So, I’m going to be super honest in my blogs. Sometimes, that’s not going to be very pretty. We all struggle with something whether that be addictions of ANY sort- drugs, alcohol, people, attention, love, social media..etc, insecurities, self esteem issues, abandonment, commitment/ trust issues.. the list could go on but you know where I’m getting at. I want to open up about some that I struggle with, HAVE struggled with, and truthfully, will probably continue to struggle with. Ya see, as many times as I give it to God, I take it right back every time until I break down realizing I’ve taken it back. I’ll give it back to God just so the vicious cycle will continue for me. One goal the WR has for us, is to help us face our past, all the ugly and bad included, give it completely to God and move past it all while glorifying God in the midst of the messiness alongside other brothers and sisters in Christ dealing with the same messiness. Something I pray on a regular basis is for God to reveal to me areas in my life that I still have not surrendered completely to him. The last few days, he’s really been dealing with me about how insecure and negatively I think of myself. This has always been an issue for me so I’m not surprised that he’s bringing it to light for me. Recently, I’ve gotten to become facebook friends with alot of the girls I will get to go on this journey with and boy, did just that alone make it THAT much more real for me. But I also see how much they’re involved in in their hometowns and own lives and how many mission trips they’ve gotten to be a part of and I have caught myself saying, man, compared to them, I feel like I’ve done nothing with myself, I haven’t had those accomplishments that I’ve seen alot of them celebrating. I’ve also caught myself thinking, am I good enough to even be doing this? Am I knowledgeable enough of the bible to do something this big? What if I lead someone wrong? What if I’m not good enough to be with these other amazing people going? And then it hits me, God has chosen ME to be apart of this!!! I don’t NEED to know everything. He’s all I need to sustain me. I also realize, that this is probably thoughts that has or will run through every other person’s head at some point leading up to us leaving and maybe even while we’re there. It amazes me how God uses broken people to do something so incredible and beautiful for him and furthering his kingdom. Another thing I’ve really started praying HARD for is for me to learn to be still and hear Him when he speaks so I can know him more. Its so easy for me to pray, but sitting still and being quiet not so much.That’s such a desire for me, more than ever lately, to know my Creator and to have a TRUE relationship with him. God is so tender with us and so patient. I screw up daily even when i don’t realize it and instead of him getting angry and giving up on me, he loves me so much more. Pursue God, you won’t regret it.
“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” Psalm 86:15
