Over the course of my World Race journey so far (because it certainly isn’t over yet) the Lord has taught me so much. I would have to write a full autobiography to explain all of the ways He has worked and it STILL wouldn’t be sufficient… and that’s only the stuff I’ve processed! Perhaps one of the biggest moves He has made has been giving me insight for the future.
If you’ve been following this journey from the beginning you’ll remember my very first blog “A call to go and a confident YES.” In that blog I gave you all of the reasons I felt called to the World Race and the reason that I said yes. One of the big factors for me was that I wasn’t sure what my career was supposed to look like. I graduated college with a degree in education that I had no desire or passion to use. I was feeling called towards ministry but was unsure of the capacity that I was meant to serve in and when God gave me an opportunity to work with ELEVEN different ministries it was difficult to say no. As I had believed would happen from the beginning, God has given me hopes and dreams for the future!
God has brought up the deep love and passion that I have for camping ministry over and over again on the race. He has used the many ministries we have worked with to highlight the skills and abilities that he has given me. He has reminded me of the things that He and I value. He has taken the time to show me that camp wasn’t just a childhood phase for me; it is something that I think is important and necessary. I can now confidently say that I feel called to be a Christian Camp Director and as I reflect on how I’ve gotten here I can see how all the pieces line up. I can already anticipate how useful my education degree will be. I can understand why I was entrusted with so many roles as a staff member at camp. I can feel my heart race with excitement as I think of all of the kids that come to know the Lord each and every summer because of a Christian camp. It’s a beautiful thing. But it’s about to be a process and the immediate future isn’t all that clear.
The reality is that in order to pursue this as effectively as I can I need to (and want to) attend seminary. I also still have about $35,000 in student loans from my undergrad education and it definitely wouldn’t be wise to jump right into a graduate education with that hanging over my head. So I’ve started thinking about what comes directly after the race and my thoughts started to run away from me. I started to take the beautiful dream I had just received from the Lord and molding it to my own image. I started planning and plotting the steps that I would take to reach this dream and I ultimately stopped consulting the Father.
Over the last few months I’ve applied to 25 jobs… and yes you just read that correctly. I started to have such mounting anxiety about how I would pay off my loans and get myself through seminary. I stopped trusting that God would provide everything
I need for the path set out before me. As you can imagine I’ve been striking out left and right on the job front. I also recently posted a blog asking for financial support to help my transition back home… yet another thing I didn’t put enough prayer into and that didn’t turn out to be incredibly fruitful either.
So after my seventh outright job rejection (and many more silent ones) and my second unsuccessful fundraising push I stopped to reflect and the lightbulb went off. I hadn’t been asking the Lord what HIS plans were for this next season. I hadn’t been spending time continuing to dream with Him about what was to come. I hadn’t sought how He was wanting to provide for me in this season. Fittingly, I’ve been reading Job this month and as I prayed and repented of my faithlessness I remembered Job’s extreme faith and ability to rely on the Lord, but I also remembered his questioning and the way that the Father humbled him. I’m definitely being humbled and it is so so good.
So, I’ve decided that for the last few weeks I have on the field I’m not going to do anymore planning, plotting, or considering what the immediate future looks like. I’m not going to worry about jobs or money. I’m not going to think about all of the things I *should* be doing to prepare for life back in the states. I’m just going to be present with the Lord and TRUST that He is working it out for me. I am going to wait upon the Lord. And if this scares you… well join the club, but I have a feeling that the end result will be far better than anything I could do on my own. It always is.
