In recent months, I’ve learned a great number of things, but the focus of my walk right now is orienting myself into a posture of surrender, as the grace of God surrounds me, that I may understand the calling he’s placed on my life. But it goes further than that even – I desire more than just understanding. I desire a servant’s heart that may boldly take steps of obedience, a servant’s heart that will immediately and unquestionably say yes to what the Lord has for me.
“Live a life worthy of the calling you’ve received.”
Ephesians 4:1
What better way to serve the Kingdom than to live a life worthy of the calling he’s placed on it, especially if he’s opened your eyes and ears, and softened your heart, that you may completely comprehend such a calling. It’s in this knowledge that we begin to strip away the flesh, and place upon our heads the crown of honor and glory that is our inheritance in Christ; this world, a world meant to exist entirely beneath our feet, begins to fall away in its entirety.
However, if I’m being entirely honest, I spent the first 4 months of my gap year doing the exact opposite of that. I looked at what the Lord had given me, meaning the circumstances surrounding the ministries in which I’ve been involved, and decided that is wasn’t a lack of my own boldness or obedience that was diminishing the work we were doing, rather it was a lack of God’s provision. I decided, rather selfishly, that what He was giving me to work with wasn’t “enough.” There was always something within the circumstances that made it decidedly impossible for me to share the gospel with one person, or pray over another. In my mind, the conditions placed before me were never quite right. This trip became something self-centric. I was focused on me entirely; my comfort, my growth, my relationship with God. Although I truly believe self awareness and care are incredibly important, I completely lost track of, or, rather, decidedly forgot the purpose for which I left on this endeavor, fundamentally placing myself and my desires on a pedestal and ignoring God’s true purpose for me here. My actions, although entirely unintentional, were selfish and acted, primarily, to pull glory away from God. Although I felt conviction, I never took steps to change the way in which I was carrying myself, because inwardly, I still wanted to believe that it wasn’t my wrong doing, but God’s. Eventually this lead to me, quite simply, falling into the belief that the ways in which I was trying to minister to the communities in which I was placed were entirely pointless.
It was once my mind was so deeply certain that the work I was doing half-heartedly wasn’t purposeful in any manner that the Lord reminded me that his power and his love know no restrictions. There are no circumstances through which he can’t glorify himself, no situation through which he won’t work through. I was able to lay down my pride and acknowledge that, yes, perhaps I could’ve been bolder and more influential in my ministries leading up to now, but that’s no reason to walk in discouragement and negativity. I am completely surrounded by the everlasting, lavish grace of God. It is in that grace that He moves to glorify himself even when I walk in disobedience. It is in that grace that I am forgiven. May this serve as encouragement for you, that you may walk entirely in the knowledge that there’s nothing you can do that won’t be forgiven, or forgotten once it encounters God’s grace. Let there be no shame, or despair, for His grace is unyielding, and the magnitude of his love unchanging, but choose to say yes to His heart and will, choose against your flesh and desires. Don’t choose to remain stagnant in His grace, rather be dynamic and confident. Go boldly.
I still have another 4 months in the field to be bold. To make the change that I desperately care to see. To be passionate and unreserved in everything. To say a resounding yes to the Lord’s heart and intentions. To go confidently. To go deeper. And I’ll share every step of the way with you.
My hope is that this blog will grow into a collection of stories, wonderful stories, that shine because of bold steps, and the authority I have to say yes in the grace that is given to me so freely. May these testimonies bear witness to the enigmatic nature of God’s love and power, and that seeds may be planted, or fruit bore, as more of God’s character is revealed.
(I just started a person blog Lavish Grace (lavishgrace.me) and I’d love for y’all to check it out if you get the opportunity! This blog is a place to share anything from personal encounters with the Spirit and stories from the mission field, to my heart on who God is and all He’s taught me. It’s a place to be real and to be bold, and I remain so hopeful that my words will perhaps strike something in your heart that in turn draws you more into the love of Christ in which you inexplicably exist.)
