I want to share with you my hardest day on the Race so far… the community that was revealed in the midst of a storm… the fruit that came from a day that could have crushed everything that God was doing… and the blessings God poured out in the process.
Picture this:
You wake up, have breakfast with your team, then pack your things to travel to an Internet cafe to get wifi for the first time in 3 weeks (the purpose of this wifi trip is to log all of your financial transactions throughout the month and to prepare your treasurer reports). You hop in a car after breakfast with 6 of your teammates and head towards town. You get to the Internet cafe, plug in your router, and turn on your devices for the first time on the Race. Messages and notifications start pouring in. As you wait for your Treasurer Applications (Gorilla) to update, you open your GroupMe (the App you use to communicate with friends and family back home) and open the group labeled “Dogs”, excited to see how your four-legged children are doing. Then you see it… a message that causes your heart to skip a beat. You’re pretty sure the world stopped turning and everything around you has been put on pause… your dog, Dixie, has bitten one of the children in the foster home she was staying in. You continue reading and see that your parents have picked her up and brought her to their home and are taking care of her until they hear from you.
You have work to do, so you have a very short period of time to process all of this before knocking out the treasurer work that must get done. Fight-or-flight kicks in and you hammer-out your work in this Internet cafe, sweating in the 95 degree heat, pushing down all the emotions you are feeling because you have a job to do. After a few hours you are done with your work. You get back in the car to head back to the compound because it’s time for lunch and you have village ministry this afternoon, all the while you’re still stuffing emotions down in order to keep it together in front of your teammates. Be Strong! Keep It Together! You eat lunch like nothing is wrong and then within your gut you feel an overflow of emotions about to pour out of you. You find your team leader and ask if she can talk. You try to explain the trial you are walking through while sitting on a trampoline in Southern Africa – halfway around the world from the place you feel like you should be – when all of the emotions you have been stuffing down come flowing out.
If you are not an animal-lover, this tribulation may not resonate with you. If you are an animal-lover, I hope at this point you have an idea of the emotional-mess I was in at this point. No matter which category you fall into I would like to share Dixie’s story with you because it is important for how God wrapped this story up and placed a bow perfectly on top.
April, 2010 – I had just gotten done working on a Relay for Life event at my college, an event and committee I devoted countless hours to in memory of my best friend, Sam, who lost her battle to cancer in 2009. As I sit on my bed thinking of Sam, how Relay for Life had come to an end, and contemplating what I would do with my time and energy to continue to heal in a healthy way, an animal shelter commercial came on (you know the one – where Sarah Mcglaughlin rips on every heart string you have). Well it worked! I picked up the phone and called my best friend Russ and said, “I need a dog.” He said, “Nope – no you don’t.” I went on to explain my reasoning and rationale behind my decision and even pulled up the Forsyth County Humane Society website, and had him do the same. By the end of the conversation I had convinced him (hahaha – my interpretation) that me having a dog was just what I needed.
Being the best friend he was – I had my “little dog with big ears” waiting on me when I arrived home the following weekend. I tell this story because it turned out this little dog with big ears was far from little (60 pounds little that is) but she was exactly what I would need as I journeyed through life over the next 7 years. Everyone came to love her – even my dad who, when I walked through the door with her, said, “I hope you are taking that thing back to wherever it is it came from.” – Nope! In the following years of laughter and tears, good times and bad, breakups, makeups, house purchases, apartment rentals, snow storms, and late night horse back riding, Dixie became my one constant (outside of God). She never left my side, she loved me unconditionally, she had many of the same quirky personality traits that I myself had. When people would talk about losing a dog, I would respond with, “Dixie will never leave me, she is going to live forever, watch!”
Dixie came from the animal shelter. Her mother came in with 4 broken legs and the other puppies there were also severely abused. This gave Dixie many anxiety issues that we worked through in her younger years. The abuse she experienced manifested over the course of her life, as it does with many animals. As she got older she became food aggressive towards other dogs and even protective in an indoor setting. She didn’t get along with other dogs indoors (outside and dog parks were fine all day – just not inside), and don’t even think about bringing a cat around (the coonhound in her had no patience for them), but she loved people- especially children. She would let kids crawl all over her. Then in 2014 she was hit by a car. In order to prolong her quality of living I had to make what I thought would be the hardest decision. I had to get her leg amputated.
Being Dixie, she recovered quickly. She was jumping off my parents front porch and running circles around me again in the first month of her recovery. She had made it through so much! When I moved back into my parents house before the Race to save money, Dixie was outside of her comfort zone. She was in a home with two other dogs and kids were constantly around. It began to wear on her and in one instance before the Race, she showed slight aggression towards a child with a low growl. Another time, she jumped on Roxy, my parents dog, and my nephew was in very close range. Nothing happened but I went into my room to pray, and God asked me to prepare my heart, that if Dixie ever attacked a child I would have to put her to sleep. He told me I had too many children in my life to chose Dixie’s life over theirs. I agreed, because he’s God and I am me. Never did I think I would be walking through the situation I described above, but I did.
After I learned about the incident at home, I had a very short period of time to decide – would I obey God or would I do the selfish thing and follow my fleshly desires. I obeyed God and told my mom that we would have to put her to sleep. You see, it took me 6 months of planning and preparing to find Dixie a temporary home because of her quirky needs. Finding her a permanent home didn’t even seem feasible. I was crushed. I hit my lowest point on the Race so far. I obeyed God, went back into my community, and broke down. I cried. I wailed. Not only was I losing the one constant I had in my life over the past 7 years, I was killing her. I was here and she was there. There was nothing I could do and I blamed myself. My community surrounded me, they cried with me, they held me, they prayed over me, and they affirmed my decision and the things God was telling me.
“To you, Lord, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who go down to the pit. Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place.” Psalm 28: 1-2
I prayed that night that if there was any other option for God to reveal it to me. Instead of giving me a solution he gave me peace. PEACE of all things! He gave me a peace that I cannot explain. I called my mom and told her to call Doctor Hanes and schedule a time for her to be put to sleep. I could not chose the life of my dog over the life of a child and I was out of options. Are you ready for God to step in yet? I wasn’t but he was! I was at peace and he was still working as I remained faithful. Turns out, when mom called to schedule the appointment, Kim, the receptionist whom I know very well, asked my mom if she could help her look for a forever home that would keep Dixie’s quality of life the same – just away from dogs, cats, and children. My mom said yes and we waited. Yesterday I messaged my mom to check on Dixie and she said, “I got a call last night and Dixie meets the 55 year old lady who lost her 16 year old German Sheppard today. I was waiting to tell you until after today, but you asked. Kim says it’s a great fit.” Right before I got off wifi yesterday I received a FaceTime call from my mom and Kim – it was a perfect fit!! Dixie went to be in a new forever home with someone who can give her the same love and attention that I was no longer able to give her under these circumstances. My mom shared with me that with tears in her eyes the 55 year old woman said, “When I lost my 16 year old German Sheppard I thought I would never get another dog. When my sister asked me I told her that if I ever got another dog it would be one that God brought to me, in his timing and in his circumstance.”
“Praise be to the lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.” Psalm 28: 6-8
I busted out into tears at this point. God is SO good. God is SO faithful! It is up to us to obey. If I wouldn’t have listened to the Holy Spirit even though it went against every fleshly desire I had in my heart, Dixie would not have jumped joyfully into the back of that woman’s car and drove off for a life set up for success and happiness. That’s all I ever wanted for my sweet baby, a life of running and playing, joy and peace. Now she gets that! God knew what he was doing even when I didn’t. God used my worst day on the Race so far to push me into a deeper and more intimate relationship with him than I have ever known. I was halfway around the world. All I had was him, all I could do was trust him, and I’m so glad I did!
I rejoice in a verse in Ecclesiastes that the Lord lead me to during debrief. When I read this verse, I read it over and over again like I had never seen it before. I didn’t know it’s purpose until today but it continues to bring me joy!
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil – this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing can be taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.” Ecclesiastes 3: 11-15
When you go through a trial just remember three things:
- Whatever is has already been.
- What will be has been before.
- God will call the past to account.
Trust Him. He loves you. He loves me. He always has our best interests at heart!
Love,
K
