Last week was one of my hardest weeks of the Race yet.
At the beginning of September, we had this thing called debrief. What we do is spend time with our leadership, have one on ones, and sometimes we get a team change. There is actually a lot that goes into debrief, but there is only one thing from that week that I am going to mention.
Our squad mentor, Ash, was giving a talk on how to be vulnerable with your team.
(if you don’t know, one thing you learn very quick on The World Race is that you are going to be vulnerable with new friends and walk through all your crap from the past.)
SO, back to vulnerability. Ashley painted us a picture of what vulnerability looks like. She said, “It’s like a gun. You load your gun with all the things that could potentially kill you.” For example, things people have said to you that cause you a lot of pain. Maybe you load your gun with past experiences, current struggles. What ever it is, you have this loaded gun. Then she said,”So you have your gun, and you slide it across to your teammate and give them the option to shoot you or to not.”
At the time, I thought oh yeah I can do that. These people won’t shoot me. They gave me their gun too.
Then, I was shot. Not enough to kill me, but enough to wound me. I was blindsided.
Now what? What do you do when someone you love shoots you?!
You know what you do.. you give them the gun again. There is a reason.. I promise.
I could shut them out. I could not trust them. I could be mad at them for a few days. They even gave me permission to do so!! SO I SHOULD.
But I didn’t.
As much as I thought about doing all those things, what good would come out of those options. What growth would come from that?
That is not how community works. That is not how healthy relationships work.
I never realized how many times I have been shot, but never handled the situation correctly. When a friend shot me, I either ignored it or shut them out for a little. When an ex shot me, I hurt and didn’t let anyone else new in.
The thing is.. when I did those things.. I never took care of my wounds. I pretended like they weren’t there and it ended up getting progressively worse over time.
There is something so beautiful about handing over your gun to someone. You are inviting people into your life, into your pain. YES. It is scary as all get out, but you see the Lord in a new way. He made us to live in this kind of closeness. He made us to be vulnerable with each other, to let people in to walk through life with.
Last week was one of the hardest weeks of my race yet, but I wouldn’t have changed it AT ALL.
I feel as close as ever to my team, my squad, and the Lord.
If you get a chance, don’t be afraid to slide over the gun. It is worth it. I promise.
