It’s crazy. Only a week ago, I wrote the blog about singleness. I loved it. I was feeling confident in this season that I am in. This season of learning and growing closer to God. I really didn’t want to be in a relationship what so ever.
Then, yesterday happened. I was so frustrated because I was feeling so alone. The oh so familiar feelings of wanting someone came rushing back in. I just wanted someone to talk to and love me. I was so confused because I have just been so confident at where my life is at and here it comes again. I was driving and praying out loud like WHY. I am so tired of feeling this way. I know I’m not supposed to be in a relationship. I couldn’t even date someone if I wanted to (WR rules). I know I’m not at the mental and spiritual maturity to have a successful relationship either.
So why. Why can’t I get over this.
Fast forward to today. I have been wanting to get this book called Swipe Right by Levi Lusko. It’s a book about relationships, romance, love, dating in this time as a Christian, but haven’t had the time to go look for it. Well, today I found it and sat outside and just started reading and underlining (that’s how I learn.. note taking). Anyways, I read this certain part of the book that just completely made sense. I’ll get to why in a sec.
About a month ago, I was feeling really good about myself. No guys. No problems. Loving Jesus. I was just out having fun, enjoying the company of my friends and doing life.
It happened so randomly that a guy ended up noticing me and we started talking. He was pretty cool. Personality wise.. we clicked. I was like ok, this is pretty great because well.. it has been a while since someone has gone out of their way to talk to me. Of course, the way my brain works was like 10,000 steps in the future. I was already panicking if this was going to go on to dating or what.
I was so stressed to where I was physically ill. But, isn’t this what I wanted? Didn’t I want someone to be interested in me? Why was it so off?
It ended up not working out. Thank God. I for reals think that was a God intervention because I was not doing well, but it still made me question.. a lot. Was it something I did, was it something I said. Did I do something wrong. Why did this even happen in the first place. None of it made sense. I don’t have a lot of confidence so I thought well.. maybe this is God’s way of telling me to loosen up. Guys are interested and this is just my time to be single, but no.. something still didn’t sit well with me.
Then I read this paragraph,
“The devil will wait until you’re run down to bring temptation that promises relief. Imagine you are feeling lonely and lovesick from heartbreak when you bump into your ex. You think, what are the odds? But then.. bam! He calls you up. Even though you know you shouldn’t, the opportunity to get back with him will seem appealing, almost as though it were an answer to prayer.”
UH HELLO.
Even though he wasn’t my ex, it was still an opportunity to satisfy something I wanted. I thought maybe we might end up dating. He might start to get feelings and it all would go downhill from there. You see I was convinced this was an answer to my prayer. I was starting to be convinced that this was the right time even though my stomach was physically ill trying to get me to run the heck away. I knew it wasn’t the right guy or the right time. I felt like a toddler trying to fit the circle into the square box.
The enemy is right around the corner. He knows what will slow us down and timing is everything. Just when I started feeling confident in myself and in my choices. Bam! Here is a guy on a silver platter who made me want to crawl into a hole. I didn’t feel good about myself. I was questioning everything. The devil knows that this is something I struggle with and he knows I love quick solutions.
But the thing is, when God is in the midst of my decisions, I won’t feel sick. When the right time comes for me, everything will fall into place. I will be confident in myself and in my relationship with God.
I am weak, but I did not crumble. I am aware now of what is from God and what is from the devil. Stand up and fight for what God has planned for you because what God has planned is way better than what you might settle for right now.
Fact.
Shout out to Levi Lusko’s book Swipe Right. Check it out. You won’t be disappointed.
