We get a blog prompt every week. Sometimes I use it, change it a little, or have something completely different I want to talk about.
This week, the prompt was SO applicable and SO challenging and sparked SO much thought.
The prompt was “What is you biggest fear about going home?”
I want to answer it through the lense of an incredible song that has brought sweetness and peace and confidence for generations. Amazing Grace.
My biggest fear is answering questions like,
“What did God teach you?” “How was your trip?” “What is the coolest thing you saw God do?” “How did you change the most?” BIG QUESTIONS. HARD QUESTIONS. The scary part is, I so badly want to answer these questions. To share and to use these experiences I’m having now to bring glory to the Father and create opportunities for the gospel to shine. The scary part is that I am desperate to answer rightly. The really really scary part is that there isnt anyone at home who could disagree with or correct an exaggerated story. There is a huge opportunity for pride to step in and take over, not because I’ve done anything worthy of praise, but because God has done amazing things in front of my eyes and I get to be the messenger. Somehow my human mind would like to take credit for that and it’s scary for me to think about that.
So here’s what my answer might be. Here is what I pray my answer is. Maybe by reading this now you can help keep me accountable to answer this way when I get home and actually have to answer face-to-face.
AMAZING GRACE, HOW SWEET THE SOUND.
Romans 15.18 “I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me…” “The sound of Jesus and his work is way sweeter than the sound of my voice and my work. Buy let me tell you what I got to be apart of. What I got to witness, because of the race, because of God’s plan for my life. Amazing grace: getting what we don’t deserve. I didn’t deserve the race, and I don’t think I could ever not be thankful for it.”
THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME.
“The race has been a catalyst for so much change in my life. I am working out my salvation each and every day. Trying to come to a place where I am fully aware of how God has SAVED me and brought me into new life. Things on the race helped me do that and see that and live like that.”
I ONCE WAS LOST, BUT NOW AM FOUND. WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE.
“The race was filled with incredible stories of salvation, stories of physical and spiritual healing, and massive breakthroughs, but I know that God taught me how to truly SEE. For the last nine months he has been thining the veil over my eyes, allowing me to see this world more like he does.”
THROUGH MANY DANGERS, TOILS, AND SNARES WE HAVE ALREADY COME.
“The race taught me about victory. The race taught me about challenge, how truly beautiful it is, how we are made new on the other side. The race taught me to love discipline, to love hard work, to love throwing myself into something, knowing the reward on the other side is sweet enough. The race taught me that we WILL meet danger, evil, hardship, struggle, but that it will NOT overcome us.”
TWAS GRACE THAT BROUGHT US SAFE THUS FAR.
“Thus far. Up until now. The end of the race isn’t the end of life. It’s not picking up where I left off at home. It’s a continuation of experiencing the grace I’m learning to be aware of and grateful for everyday. It’s a day-by-day thing. It’s a moment-by-moment thing. All I know is God has brought me this far, how could he not provide for me now and tomorrow and forever?”
AND GRACE WILL LEAD ME HOME. AND GRACE WILL LEAD ME HOME.
(I think it’s perfect that this is sung twice in the song because it has a strong double meaning in my life.)
“It’s only by grace, only by the will of my father, that I’m home. That I’m back in the place that shaped me and prepared me. Now I’m back, even more prepared for the calling the gospel has placed on my life. Now, by the grace of God, I get to be the influence here. I get to help shape this place. I get to be a part of the church that is fighting for the name of Jesus and the kingdom of heaven. It’s only by grace, that I will make it to my true home one day. It’s ONLY by grace that I will one day join my father in a perfect reunion I was made for.”
GRACE. Not deserved. Not conditional. Not comprehendable.
So there’s my biggest fear. There’s my mentality surrounding it. There’s my hope for how to overcome it. There’s me being open and really honest. There’s me shedding light to something I need accountability for.
Thanks for reading. I know these blogs come out every week, and if you’ve read all or most of them, or even just this one, thank you. Thank you for giving me a space to explain what’s happening over here, in this corner of the world, in my head.
I appreciate your life.
God’s crazy about you.
You really really matter.
-k
