When we first got to Africa, I read the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It completely wrecked me in every possible way. But it was definitely in the best way. The Lord told me years ago that He’s called me to loving people who have experienced sexual abuse and other trauma. I’ve never experienced any abuse so it didn’t make sense to me for the longest time as to why he would use me. I thought that someone who had gone through those things would be so much better of an advocate than me, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, am I right? Throughout the race, the Lord has shown me that if I truly rely on His wisdom and Truth, then my own inadequate understanding and knowledge doesn’t stand a chance compared to the Creator and King of all Kings. He freely gave me certain gifts designed to what He has predestined for my life and I’m constantly in reverence of Him and the honor it is to serve such an incredible, all-knowing, loving and gracious Father.
The Lord helped me realize through reading this book that even though I haven’t experienced the same kind of situation, I still struggle with how hard it is to give myself grace. I’ve written blog after blog about this and I’m sitting in my backyard, my 2nd day back in America, the race is officially over and He’s STILL revealing His great love for me. I’ve seen countless amounts of situations in the past few years of the enemy intending evil for myself and those around me, but the schemes of the enemy HAD to bow to the King of Kings and Lord of all Lords. The Lord helped me realize that He genuinely is good, wants good for me and His people, and is for us not against us, even when we mess up.
We’re all a little afraid of the fact that we stink sometimes, because of our humanness we have the possibility of screwing things up. The Lord showed me that MY FEAR of messing up was greater than the actual act of what I may have done. But there is no fear in the Lords perfect love. My God, the God that I’m choosing to serve and trust with my whole life has shown me that He makes beautiful things out of dust and even my mistakes.
In my personal opinion, I see the love of the father in redeeming love stories and prodigal son stories more than stories that are picture perfect. The Lord gave us free will because He loves us so much that He was willing to allow pain, evil and destruction so that we could truly, genuinely choose to love Him for who He is not because he created us as programmed robots without any true or real feelings. To Him it is all worth it. And through my own messy and frustrating processing, I’ve come to face the fact that it’s worth it to me to. I would much rather not be sinful by nature, ever be in a place of even the possibility of sinning or being far from God, have my failures hurt those around me or face disappointment and fear, but because of theses trials, and my Fathers indescribable love He is teaching me that I’m going to be okay. He’s is leading me beside still waters and with me in the fire or valley and whatever comes, I’m safe and within His love. He loves me and extends so much grace to myself and I need to receive it.
I’m choosing to believe that His love and mercy, His peace and kindness WILL follow me all of my days.
From death to life, when I was lost and now found, I will always sing praise of His glorious grace.
My debt is paid, my chains are gone.
The cross WAS worth the pain.
He doesn’t regret it. Neither do I.
It is finished.
