Ministry on the race is very different than I expected. I thought it would be some glamorous and heroic thing everyday like saving orphans and healing people from diseases left and right. But it’s not, and that’s okay. I still believe I’ll get my share of that one day, but what He has wanted me to do for the majority of my race is teach English. And it’s not very glamorous, but it has taught me so much.
The first day I taught, I wasn’t expecting it to be that overwhelming because the entire two months before my team taught English in Cambodia. The language barrier here in Honduras is so much more challenging though, because most of the kids in Cambodia knew a lot of English already. I wanted to teach my preschoolers so badly and I wanted to do it well, but they had no idea what I was saying and it was very frustrating. It was hard for me to accept the fact that the first few days of a new ministry is always going to be hard because I would have to adjust to the new culture and get the hang of things. I guess it was just too much for a moment and I broke. Probably one of my lowest of the lows: crying on a toilet because of preschoolers. But, God never gives us more than we can handle and every single day, I depended on Him so much and He always gave me wisdom and taught me patience. I’m so incredibly thankful for my six, energetic preschoolers that I have fallen deeply in love with. Every time I look at their sweet little faces I see God in them.
My teammate, Ashely, asked me during our debrief team time the other day, “how have you dealt with the grief of having to leave your twin nieces at home?” I realized right then that the love of the Father that I see in my nieces and my nephew at home is the same love I see in the faces of my students here. I don’t feel as homesick now after this revelation. He is my home and He is always with me.
The other day, one of my kids, Jonathan, was unresponsive and it seemed like he shut down emotionally and physically for some reason. So, we just sat on the step and didn’t talk for a while. I didn’t have to comfort him by holding him or touching him, just sitting on that step in each other’s presence was enough. I didn’t have to be his counselor or teacher, just a friend. After a little while, he started helping me decorate the door. He put the tape on the paper letters and placed them all over the door, upside down and sideways, it was the cutest thing. Then he returned to his seat and started coloring. There was something so special about that moment and I’ll never forget it. He reminds me a lot of my nephew, rae vonte and I needed that moment with another one of my babies that give me a fresh breath of air. Even though we barely spoke, there was this unspoken appreciation and refreshment from taking a moment and being still from the chaos surrounding us. He knew I loved him and I knew he loved me and it was so sweet. Sometimes we have to stop trying to fix people and just let them know we are there and sit with them until they’re ready to take another step forward.
I think this is how God works sometimes. In that moment, He gave me the wisdom on what I should do, it wasn’t by my own knowledge. Sometimes just sitting in His presence with Him is enough. We don’t have to talk or figure out my deepest darkest sins or anything, just hang out for a little while. Enjoying the stillness and the sweet comfort and closeness of my Father. Thank you, Abba, for being everything I need, when I need it. And thank you for the amazing ministry you have blessed us with. Thank you for Your abounding and overflowing love for my sweet little preschoolers and for me.
