“If having my heart was worth the pain
What joy could You see beyond the grave
If love found my soul worth dying for
How wonderful
How glorious
My Saviour’s scars
Victorious
My chains are gone
My debt is paid
From death to life
And grace to grace
How my soul will sing Your praise
In the wonder of Your grace.”
Grace to Grace- Hillsong
I can’t stop singing His praise, He is so good and I know I write that in every blog, but I don’t think I could ever say it enough!!!!!
Jesus and I have talked a lot and he made me realize that emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I run a lot. When my circumstances get uncomfortable, I run in the opposite direction. It’s easier than embracing and fighting through it. When something painful happens to me or my family or anything around me, I turn away and I don’t want to deal with the issue. My sins and past mistakes have made me walk in shame and fear. I ran from Him because I didn’t feel worthy or good enough. But, He’s a God of mercy and abounds in love for me and we’re walking through this together. I’m thankful He’s restoring my mind and teaching me His truths.
Before we left for the race, they gave us each a key that had a prophetic word on it. The key I received had the word “grace” on it. When I first saw it, I was confused because it wasn’t really a word that I resonated with a lot or even knew a whole lot about. I always heard it growing up in the church, but I couldn’t even explain what grace was to you if you asked me right then. So I looked up every description and verse that had the word grace in it and I started to understand a little more. But God didn’t stop there and I’m thankful He explained it more. He told me through my lovely friend Eileen Fires (I love you!!!!) that it’s easy for me to give grace and love to others, but not myself. Loving myself is one of the hardest things I’ve had to fight through. He reminded me that by the law, I’m undeserving of His love, but He loves me so much that He gives it all to me anyway. His spirit dwells in me and I’m made in His image so I don’t have to be afraid or shameful. I can start living like I know I’m free and I know who is holding me.
“And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Ephesians 2:6-10
He is so so so good despite what the enemy tries to make me believe. And He told me that He is in me, so that makes me good. I’m not perfect, but I shouldn’t hate myself because if I learn to love myself, I can love others better. That was so hard to comprehend at first. And through my amazing squad leaders, Esther and Andrea (aka jb) they helped me to realize that I don’t have to walk in shame or fear anymore. My shame and sin is what was keeping me from seeing His truth because I was hiding, but I don’t have to any longer!!! I am His creation; He is mine and I am His. He thought of me when He was hanging on that cross. He took up my cross for me and suffered for ALL of my pain, guilt, shame, fear, worry, for all of my past sins and ones in the future and not just for me, but for every person ever created!
In Psalm 139, He says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you…”
Another concept that was hard for me to grasp at first was that He actually wanted to be close to me. He wants to love me and walk with me. Even through the hard things. Even when He knows I’m going to fail again, He still welcomes me back like the prodigal son.
Jesus thank you for being a God knows the desires of our hearts and loves us all in our own way. You know how much I love song lyrics and You definitely speak to me through them. Every time I listen to these songs, I feel You so close and You’re constantly reminding me of Your great love for me and that your arms are wide open. Thank you for setting me free and loving me!
“Don’t turn your eyes from me
For my love won’t be undone
Don’t hide your face from me
For my light has surely come
I carried that cross
And I felt your pain
I took up your crown
And I wore your shame
Death was fire and his teeth were grim
But I left it behind along with all your sin
Lift up your eyes and see
Heaven is closer than you know
I will never leave you”
Closer than you Know- Hillsong
“Come back to me love I forgive you oh, how I’ve missed you.
Just know every time you run I’ll be right here waiting.”
No Ordinary Love- Memphis Mayfire
“You show me what love looks like
Father I, just wanted to thank You
‘Cause most of my life, I’ve been runnin
But the love in Your eyes said that I’m safe here
So I’m not going anywhere
No I’m not going anywhere, I think I’ll stay here with You.”
Thank You- Isla Vista Worship
“Jesus you saved me
So I’ll rise up and praise you my King!
My heart explodes with love for Your name
Through the highs and the lows
Your love remains the same.
Through every season God
You are faithful.”
Explosion- Isla Vista Worship
You’re grace amazes me and sets me free. Thank you for constantly telling me how much you love me and that you’re near to me. Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself and still loving me. Thank you for relentlessly and unconditionally loving me. My soul will forever praise your great name!
“Lord I hear you
I know you’re there
Closer now than my skin and bones could bear
Breathing deep within me all me
God I know that you are here
For I am yours and you are mine
And my soul knows well
You are here
And my soul will praise you”
Closer than you Know- Hillsong
