WARNING: this is a long story, but it’s a good one.
Okay, so right after training camp I kept telling everyone how crazy amazing my experience was at training camp and how much it changed me. I wrote a blog about it and I tried my best to summarize everything that happened over those 11 days, but to be honest it was pretty “surfacy.” That was just the first layer of the great things God had revealed to me. And thank you for the people on my team who encouraged me to share these stories. So, now it’s time “to get down to the nitty gritty” as my wise friend Nacho would say.
This blog has taken me so long to write for one of two reasons. First, the things I will talk about could become very controversial & confusing, but I’m just telling you my experiences and what happened to me and my relationship with God. Second, it was intense and it took time for me to listen and wait patiently for God to reveal things about what I had experienced. I only want His guidance in my words and how I share this story. So let me just start off by saying, God is good ALL the time and I know that’s cliché, but let me show you.
The gist of this story is: I had a demonic hallucination-like spiritual battle while my squad was praying for a team member. It was scary when it happened to me, but because of my fellow team members prayers and God’s protection, I grew through this experience and a lot of truth was revealed to me from the Holy Spirit. He revealed to me that I wasn’t conscious in my physical, worldly self, and instead I was awake and fighting in my spirit in a spiritual battle against the enemy. He also revealed to me that He never left my side, and would always protect me. So with that said, if you think I’m crazy, it’s okay because I know that these events happened to me and I don’t have a big enough imagination to come up with a story as chaotically beautiful as this. I’m just sharing what I experienced, my thoughts and feeling during it, and how God lead me through one of the most life altering events of my life (other than my salvation of course).
It started the 3rd or 4th day of training camp I think, I’m not entirely sure. We had an amazing night of worship that night and when the service was over, some racers still weren’t done worshipping. There was a couple different breakout sessions of worship through the AIM campus and through the Holy Spirit I was lead to the one on the deck by the training center. Those racers who did that worship session: thank you very much I appreciated it greatly. My head felt so clear and I heard His still, small voice, telling me each simple step He wanted me to take. First, “go up and worship”. Second, “I’m giving you the opportunity to surrender EVERYTHING to me again.” And I did. Third, “go on your knees and I’ll tell you what I want you to do.” I went on my knees and He reminded me of my first mission trip to Kenya, Africa. The first time I was able to pray over high schoolers at an alter call and bless them. I remember the rush and the power of the Holy Spirit taking over my words and speaking life into those students and it was wonderful. He told me shortly after those flashbacks, “do this again, and start with your team.” So, I worshipped my heart out until it was over and I pulled aside a few girls from my team that night and got to know them better and pray over their situations and allow the Holy Spirit to work through me and speak life into them. It was so awesome to get to know them and practice listening to the Holy Spirit. And oh boy, was the enemy mad about this. And probably mad at the fact that all 270 something people at that camp were surrendering their entire lives, comforts, family and friends for nine months to spread the Gospel. The spiritual warfare intensified throughout training camp and we faced some mountains, but thank God we serve a God who is bigger than any mountain we face!!!!
So that next day, someone from my squad was going back home because she talked with the Lord and the leaders and they came to the mutual agreement that it was His will for her to go back, and Jordan, if you’re reading this, I love and miss you dearly, but I know He’s doing some great things in your life!
So, we laid our hands on her and prayed for her and within the first couple minutes of us praying for her, I began to feel this pulse in my upper left arm and it wasn’t anything bad…yet. I thought it was just a weird twitch, but then it felt like a fly moving around my arm and buzzing, and then it got worse and worse and then buzzing turned into a throbbing, so bad that I had to take my hand off of her and stop praying to see what was happening to my arm. I pulled up my sleeve and checked all around and I couldn’t find any fly or any sign of something that would be causing this pain. I had this uneasy feeling in my soul, my stomach was twisting, my heart was racing, I was shaking uncontrollably and the only thing I remember thinking and feeling in this moment other than complete confusion was, “this is not of God,” And then it hit me. Whatever it was. Once I came to this realization, a searing pain hit me in the exact spot that was throbbing and it felt like something was stinging or stabbing me and wouldn’t let go. The pain surged through my entire arm and it was so intense and I was in shock, and couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak or cry out for help. I was completely paralyzed by this pain and the atmosphere that instantaneously changed around me. I couldn’t see the room I was in or comprehend where or what was happening. Then behind my right shoulder, I felt the heavy & dark presence come up behind me. And then I heard it. It sounded like a thousand leeches sucking and killing their prey. But that prey was me. And the pain intensified and it felt like it had its teeth latched on to my arm and was tugging, trying to drag or pull me, not only physically, but spiritually. I don’t actually know how long all of this happened, I guess as long as the prayer went on.
“…in the name of Jesus. Amen.” The end of the prayer that was still happening while I was playing tug-of-war with some demons. The prayer ended all of it and whatever was attacking me fled. And I was smacked back into the reality of the real world, too overwhelmed and traumatized to comprehend or even begin to understand what I had just gone through. I think I started to cry and I looked around and then a girl on my squad, saw me said she felt someone shaking during the prayer and asked if it was me. I think I tried to explain, but I still couldn’t really get anything out because I was panicking. And then I turned around to a girl on my team, Lauryn, and she asked what happened. All I could get out was, “my arm,” and broke down and everything felt like it was spinning out of control around me and no one understood. What she told me next, I appreciated more than she probably knows. She said, “tell me when you’re ready.” It allowed me to calm down and work through a little of what just happened. We hugged Jordan and sent her off and then met the rest of the squads down at the pavilion for lunch. I tried to keep moving and going with the flow of our day so I could process everything.
Thank you, Jesus, for orchestrating everything so perfectly. We had a long lunch that day, thankfully, so it gave me enough time to settle. I tried to interact and go on like normal, but I just had to get it out before it consumed me. Hannah, another girl on my team, asked me how I was doing and I figured she was near me when I broke down in the training center and saw how shaken up I was. I started to tell her what I just experienced and she prayed for me and I’m so thankful for her and her genuine love and support she gave me that I so badly needed in that moment. Then I decided to finally share with Lauryn and the rest of our table, and once I started, I began to cry and shake again. It probably took me like 15 minutes to get the whole story out, but I’m glad I did because they all got up and were crazy prayer warriors for me again. They casted out any demons, darkness and fear that had overcome me and as their words were spoken over me, the most amazing thing happened: We could actually feel the fear and terror start to fade away and His peace and presence flooded in. They had visions of Jesus holding my head and kissing my forehead, and we felt the Holy Spirit resting upon all of us. I can’t thank all of those girls enough and I’m so grateful and in awe of their bravery and compassion for someone they just met a couple days earlier.
My soul and spirit were at peace and all was good, but my physical body was still trying to calm down (sorry if this is too much information, but I had diarrhea like 12 times because I was stressed) and my mind was still racing trying to figure it out. BUT OUR GOD IS GOOD!
Later that day, the dark clouds in my head began to clear and the truth and the light was revealed to me. I knew I had to go to God and talk to Him about this before I did anything else. Thankfully, we had worship that night and I was able to clear my mind and invite the Holy Spirit in. My first questions for Him were, “Why did this happen to me?” And “How did this even happen?” I was terribly confused, but He answered and it was awesome. He reminded me of the story of Job in the Bible and His conversation with Satan and how he told Him he could do whatever to His servant as long as he didn’t kill him. This could’ve scared me or made me bitter toward God, but instead I was almost honored that He allowed me to have this experience because it helped me grow. The Holy Spirit lead me through another interesting perspective: that GOD was ultimately in control. He gave permission, but never truly allowed the enemy to have a hold on me. He didn’t cause the pain, suffering, or evil, that was the work of the enemy. My next question was, “Where were you when I needed you most?” He gave me a vision and replayed the event in my mind of the whole picture. While I was focused on my arm and the pain, Jesus was standing right next to me, holding my other hand, the whole time! He also had His arm in between me and the demon behind me to protect it from getting any closer. Which goes to say: He will NEVER leave us or forsake us. He didn’t want me to just go around this spiritual battle and avoid it, He wanted to walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death WITH ME!!!!! And I’m thankful He taught me this and invited me on this journey so I could go to a deeper level than I ever imagined possible.
He also revealed to me that I wasn’t fighting in the physical world, I was fighting in my spirit!!!! It was like I checked out of my worldly body and was conscious in my spirit instead. And He was there fighting alongside me the whole time! How cool is that?
I’m not mad, sad or scared of this, I’m so excited and grateful that I was able to experience this, even though it was terrifying during it, the outcome and the glory that was revealed to me afterwards was so worth it! I also reached deeper levels with God, deeper than I have ever gone in my entire life. I had intense and vulnerable conversations with Him and He overwhelmed me with His truth, peace and mercy. Anyone can have this relationship with our Father and I pray that everyone will experience His love one day because it is so good!!!!!
*****We all have our own journey and they are going to look different so this is not meant to scare you or make you paranoid that demons are out to get you or anything like that. When I was younger, I actually was paranoid about this and I would never sleep at night. My mom told me one day that God would never put us in a situation we couldn’t handle and it helped me put my trust in Him and I finally got some sleep! So don’t worry, He’s got you! “You will be hard pressed on every side, but never crushed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8 When I told my trainer, Erica, about this event, she told me this and I love it so much, “the battle wages on, but the war is already won!” So do not be anxious or worried because He has our back and is protecting us 24/7 in so many more ways than we know! He is good and He is more powerful than anything that comes against you.
Since training camp, over a month later and I can finally share this story without crying, but it still holds the same power and lessons. He continually pours into me and shares His truth and peace and I’m so thankful.
A few days ago, God used my sister, Emma in a really cool way. We were sharing new bands and songs to listen to with each other and she suggested the album “The Water & the Blood.” I looked it up and accidentally listened to a different band than what she told me because they had the same album name. (Both bands are really good and have fantastic lyrics: the Water & the Blood album by Sojourn and the Water & the Blood album by the Modern Post!) The song “Death has Lost its Sting,” by Sojourn stood out to me because of this spiritual battle I went through. It helps me to declare that the enemy doesn’t have a hold on my life, instead it’s filled with my God’s love, joy, and freedom. (The lead singer also sounds like Janis Joplin and it’s amazing).
“Arise, Oh Lord, fulfill your grace
While I your glory sing;
My God has broke the serpents teeth
And death has lost its sting
And though the hosts of death & hell
All armed against me stand
No more will terrors shake my soul;
Secure within your hand”
If you have made it this far into my blog, I would like to thank you for your time, I hope it wasn’t too insane for you lol. I know even crazier and glorious things are yet to come so subscribe to my blog to follow my adventures in these nine months! I leave in 10 days from today, I can’t wait!!!!
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:10-13
