It’s like a break-up. A really bad one. One you didn’t want.
That song that Sam Hunt sings – “Break up in a Small Town” perfectly describes the current state of my heart.
“I knew I’d see you around….run around the same crowd… thought I’d be fine… but maybe not..”
I was preparing for it. I talked to myself about how it would be ok. Like we weren’t THAT close, that I would meet other people.. that I would survive..
But then.. the band-aid came off..
Team changes.
It’s inevitable on the Race, you typically have at least three teams to do ministry with over the 11 months. So we all knew it was coming. And I prepared the best I could, which ended up being denying the fact that it was happening.
I figured it would be fine and that hanging out with new people was going to be great. I love meeting people and learning from them, but it wasn’t until it happened that it hit me like a brick wall.
The five names on my piece of paper glared at me. I don’t know these people, and they don’t know me. I feel like I am going to have to start over and they are going to have to get to know me and my quirks.
As I left with my new team, the Selah’s told them “Be gentle with her, and give her lots of chocolate and coffee.” Well that’s a start. 🙂
The day was fine, but not ideal since we needed to take a team member to the hospital.
But it wasn’t until I got back here that I felt like the break up was real. My people were hanging out with other people, had dinner plans with other people, and already had inside jokes and were laughing about their days.
You know, like breaking up in a small town, and still seeing your ex around? It’s the pits.
I broke. I cried so hard. Why God?! Why do you make us invest so much in people only to mix us up again and have us go through the heartbreak.
Why do we have to be vulnerable with people we don’t know, only to leave them once we started to trust one another, and have to do it all over again?
But God’s been showing me that we all have a choice. Life is about choice, and I can choose JOY in this next season. It’s up to me to choose these girls. These five new beautiful faces that all have something to teach me. And God’s been showing me that I equally have something to bring to this new group, and it’s up to me to share it with them.
The Selah Sisters are a World Race success story. We struggled hardcore month one, but now here at month 5 we can’t leave each other’s sight. We trust each other, we laugh with one another, cry on each other’s shoulders, and are breaking up with one another because God has asked us to. (so cliche ;P)
So, in this next season – I CHOOSE this new team. I joyfully CHOOSE these girls. I choose them with my whole heart. I choose to love them, to exude joy. I choose patience and kindness, goodness and faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I CHOOSE to serve them and to serve with them for the glory of the kingdom.
We are Team tbd. Team To Be Determined.
Because God isn’t finished with us yet, and we don’t know where we are going because we are on HIS path. But we trust Him to lead us in the life everlasting. So Team tbd – Here’s to the next 4ish months!
