I have never felt more peace that I am doing what God has called me to do. Of course it’s scary, no it won’t be a vacation, and I’m 100% ready to cry a ton this next year, but I know that the tears of joy will overwhelm the tears of frustration and discouragement.
So much realization has happened in the last 6 months and I have already begun to see the change in myself that I wanted to see years ago. I am becoming more dependent on the Lord, more content in what He has for me, and more comfortable in the unknowns.
This time last year, I was trying to make my life fit into a mold. Like the stepsister in Cinderella trying to make the shoe fit. And the truth is, I was mad. Angry and jealous because, well shoot, who doesn’t want to be Cinderella? I wanted the traditional fairytale, but I’m discovering that part of that is because I hadn’t seen anything else. I mean, who has ever seen Cinderella in trail running shoes? (Disney take note.. )
But after Training Camp, I discovered the things that were giving me value were things like marriage, career, and living on my own. In my mind, these were “Big Girl” things. And because I couldn’t check the box on any of those, I equated that with not being good enough, needing to learn more, not being “ready” to be an adult. And the whole “not being ready” business made me feel like a 18 year old whose parents wouldn’t let them get their drivers permit. I felt like I needed firsthand experience before my opinions could be trusted, or I could have wisdom to share.
These last few months have made me realize what a big fat LIE that is. That is a lie from the enemy keeping me from sharing what God is doing in my life and the experience I have, albeit from a different perspective. I’m still hesitate to call it wisdom sometimes because I don’t feel “wise”, but I do have something to contribute and it’s up to me to share boldly how the Lord has been at work.
Many of you have asked what my hopes for the year are: my hope is that I can grow deeper in my relationship with the Lord and who He has created me to be. That I would grow in confidence that the experiences God has placed in my life were meant to be shared with others, not hidden. That I would be present over perfect. The only expectation I have for this year is that God WILL move in incredible ways and my prayer is that I will not have any expectations aside from that.
Let’s go.
