The lights dimmed, the dancing and laughing slowed, and a quiet hush fell over the crowd. The mood transitioned within a matter of seconds from exciting and energizing to calm, peaceful, reverent even. I smiled to myself, knowing that what was about to happen made everything worth it. The humidity, the mosquito bites that covered my legs, or the fact that I hadn’t had a real shower in over a week. It didn’t matter so much that I had blisters on my feet from wet Chacos, or that I had been wearing the same clothes for going on three consecutive days. It really didn’t matter as much as the fact that the slow hum of the piano had begun and the band was beginning to sing songs of worship, as the racers around me lifted their voices, raising their hands in the air to declare their love and give thanks.
Training camp was a lot. A lot of moving, a lot of talking, a lot of learning, and a lot of singing. It’s hard to sit here and think about summing it up in one simple blog, in fact before the next several weeks are out there might be a few more blogs revolving around the same ten days. Those ten amazing, exciting, exhausting, and frustrating days. It’s hard to explain exactly what I experienced, but think about it like this. 272 racers. 45 on my squad. 8 on my team. All of us almost complete strangers, and all of us dealing with many of the same struggles or questions. We were put in situations that pushed us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We were asked questions that were hard to answer, not because of who we are but because they were hard to answer for anybody. Questions that pushed us out of our comfort zones, pushed us into new territory that maybe some of those around me had experienced, but that I certainly had not.
Training camp for me was less about the hardships and inconveniences, which we seemed to have in abundance. It was less about eating food with no flavor, or the fact that much of what I brought ended up with the marks of the infamous red Georgia clay on it, or the fact that my tent was soaked inside from climbing in and out during rain storms, because it was more about the fact that there was something so much bigger going on. There was a work that was happening in my heart that until 3 weeks ago I didn’t even know needed to happen.
I just got to experience ten days of NOTHING but the gospel. The people around me were filled with Christ-like hope and qualities. The conversations I had were positive and they actually meant something. The time I spent alone wasn’t just me alone, it was me and the Holy Spirit. And whether I was alone, or sitting on a back porch with my team, or surrounded by people during worship, I spent more time in those ten days with the Lord then I can ever remember spending with him in any period of time. It got to the point around day three when I realized there was too much happening for me to not listen, so I stopped speaking to him for a little while. I stopped asking of him, asking if he would help me with this issue or that person, or if he would bless me in this or that specific way, and I started to actually listen.
Giving up control, and allowing God to take over is the most freeing, peaceful, fulfilling feeling in the world. Allowing my mind to stop turning, to empty long enough for the Lord to take residence and fill me back up changed my experience from one that affected me while at camp, to one that is going to have an effect on me for the rest of my life. There is a stark difference between being able to connect with the Holy Spirit and being able to live with Him.
I had choices and opportunities every day that prompted me to do things that I wouldn’t usually do, things that I would question myself over. Do I want to stand in the back of the room or do I want to join in on the dancing, go make memories, go connect with people. Do I want to write a sermon because it was the last session’s assignment? Or do I want to go write a sermon because I have a desire to have an impact on people? Do I want to think about the fact that I’m choosing to spend 9 months revolving around public speaking and around teaching? Maybe not, but I’ll do it because I know that it’s not on my shoulders to know exactly what I’m doing. It’s not on my shoulders to be in control, and it’s not my responsibility to know all of the answers. It’s on Him. Ask, and it shall be given to you, seek, and you will find, knock, and the door shall be opened unto you (Matthew 7:7)
I’ll say it again, there was A LOT that happened at training camp. And there was A LOT that I didn’t know how to interpret, moments I didn’t know how to handle. Like the opportunity to open up to a new team of people who didn’t even probably know my middle name, let alone my feelings, or my past. About what in my life I struggle with, what I feel bitter about, what my personality, or my habits, or my opinions consist of.
But if there is one thing that I learned at training camp, it’s that you don’t have to be completely prepared. The only thing that matters is that you are willing to open yourself up to answers. Allow the Holy Spirit to not just visit, but to dwell in you. I spent more time in silence in those ten days than any other time in my life, but I can say with 100% certainty that I heard more, learned more, and felt more than I ever have before. That’s why every night at worship I smiled to myself as the lights dimmed, and the voices quieted, and the music began to play. And my heart would beat a little bit faster as my worries and fears silently slipped away, and I raised my hands above my head, and I just listened.
