When doubt and fear creeps in it can dictate how you live your life. God has been showing me how my doubt and fears have controlled actions I have and haven’t taken in life. I’ve struggle with the fear of rejection and failure for the longest time. While at training camp it has hit me that I’ve let these fears run my life for some time.
To do the World Race there is a fitness hike you have to do with your backpack fully loaded with your gear. My pack weights about 30 pounds. For the expedition route you have to do 3.3 miles within 55 minutes. I’ve been pretty athletic growing up with running cross country & swimming, but this hike was a total different beast. I was so worried I’d not do well on it I didn’t train for it at all. Yes, I said that, I didn’t train at all to do this hike. I did this all out of pure fear and doubt.
The course for this hike was mostly flat, but it had a hill that can make your legs cringe when trying to go at a decent pace. Our group had to go up this hill three times! As we started this journey as a squad I felt good, we were staying together as a group and everyone was doing okay. But, then the second lap hit me with the hill. I wanted to quit! I thought about just taking my pack off and going home. I was hurting to the point where I couldn’t focus on anything else. That hill kicked my butt to the point of failure.
Once I got to the top of the hill something inside of me was screaming, “GOOO, just keep pushing forward. There is a reason you are here. There is something more in store for you than quitting now.” It was clear as day from then on I needed to keep pressing forward and to not end there. Don’t give in to the doubts and fear. It was like a light switch going off in my brain. It was a reengagement of my mind and body into the hike and to overcome the fear. I ended up finishing the hike in under 50 minutes. It was though trusting in the call that I have received from God, to go to the least of these and share Christ’s love with them.
Even as I am home now preparing for the race I feel the fear of rejection and failure. I know this is something that can cripple me, but I refuse to let it control me. This reminds me of Nehemiah 6 where Nehemiah was finishing the wall around Jerusalem and returning the land to the people of Israel. His enemies wanted to do harm to him to control part of the land, but instead of giving into the fear of these enemies he carries on to what he feels God calling him to.
God is showing me these doubts and fears are not the truth. They are a way the enemy is trying to stop me from doing the will of God in my life. I hope to never give into the fears!
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