Dear Home,
It’s been an amazing and crazy 11 months, full of ups and downs. There have been deaths in the family, hard days, long days, miraculous days and days I do not regret being away from you. But, then there have been days where I’ve been longing to come back. My emotions are mixed when I think about coming back from the mission field. Some days I’m so excited and I am counting down, while other days I’m asking for time to slow down. Why? I think it’s because I know I have changed. I have seen things I didn’t expect and experienced things you haven’t. My worth and value are more clear now thanks to God’s love in my life.
I have seen prostitution up-close and in person, I have lived in slums, orphanages, homes full of love, buildings falling apart with mold/mildew, a homeless shelter and rehab center. I’ve been surrounded in homes by guinea pigs, cockroaches, mice, spiders and mosquitos. I have eaten foods I didn’t like out of courtesy, eaten spoiled food because that was our only choice, eaten mountains of rice, and have even been hungry a few times. I have been sick from infections, burns, spider bites, stomach pains and have had to be hospitalized.
I have seen drug addicts do heroin in front of me while at ministry, I have preached the gospel in a closed country, I have seen witchcraft/spiritual warfare, I have seen revival in international churches and have seen the hand of God in healings. I have heard the cry of children living with AIDS, wanting to slit their wrists because they believed they had venom in their blood.
But, I have also praised God when a woman was saved from sex trafficking and praised God when we saw children being rescued from the black market. There have been days where I conquered fears and other days when my emotions conquer me.
I’m afraid you won’t recognize me or know me when I come back. I’m also scared I won’t have enough grace for times when our views/perspectives differ or when we don’t agree. I know things won’t go back to the way they were. There’s new people to meet, new friendships to make but there might be loss along the way. I’m afraid I won’t help bring a revival, change things that shouldn’t be happening or go back to who I used to be. I know I have missed BIG moments in life, but that was part of this sacrifice. There will be moments I can share with you because I knew about them, but others that I can’t because I didn’t know they happened.
There are ways to help me transition through the feelings that may arise. Ask me specific questions when you want to know about my year. Don’t call this a “trip” or a “vacation”. Please have grace when I break down because there’s too much food, or I long for a simple life, or I don’t agree with the way America functions. I promise to give you grace too when I don’t understand or might not agree with your ways. I will do my best when I go home but please have patience with me in this transition.
I want to share this year with you since you helped me get here. This will be a year of firsts with you. I look forward to the reunions, the holidays, birthdays, weddings and celebrations of life. I can’t wait to hug you, kiss you and overwhelm you with my love. I want to tell you all about Jesus and how he can change your life, too. Thank you for helping me get here, for walking this journey alongside of me while being so far away, for the prayers and for always taking the time to hear my heart. 11 more days until I see you!!
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.“ Philippians 4:12
