Coming to the end of the race brings such a huge array of emotions: anxiety, excitement, relief, fear… Here is one honest post that took place about three weeks ago at 3am while still in Ecuador.
“ Why God is sooooo good?? So, I haven’t blogged this month. It’s been pretty laid back. One month left. That’s it. Then the reality of the situation hits where it’s like ok, re-entry. I’ve been gone for so long. It feels like so much has changed within me. I’ve seen so much and done so much. I’ve seen how little people have and how they’re full of joy. I’ve seen slums where walls are made up of old boxes and news paper, where once it’s dark, the family eats dinner by candle light. I’ve seen hundreds of men at a homeless shelter being hit with sticks, led like herds of cattle. I’ve seen the water be so low that a gallon of water would be too much to take a bath. But I’ve seen families with faithfulness, joy, and peace, who have nothing and rely on Jesus for EVERRYYTHING. And He comes through! Every time!!
So here I am now, about to be home in five weeks. I’m freaking out. I want to go home, but honestly. I’m scared. So many people had these fears of me leaving and traveling the world, because of what could happen to me while I’m gone. Honestly, up until the end of month 9, where we were held hostage for 24 hours in a fishermen’s protest, did I ever feel unsafe and that was only for a few hours. But then, when I have internet and the notifications start popping up on my phone, I see multiple mass shootings. I see an unstable government. I see tons of racism, people calling the police of black people for no reason, which is super scary since there have been a bunch of cases where they trigger happy. After having a difficult year, yet feeling safe, I’m coming back to my like of washer machines, hot water, tons of food options, whatever I want when I want it, but I have fear to step outside of my front door. I know fear is NOT God. The reality of the situation is that, America feels like it’s suupppeeeerrrr scary and dangerous, and, yeah. It makes me really sad and nervous.
So I’ve been freaking out. Kind of self sabotaging. All these things are
coming up for re-entry. Like ok God, what’s next? What do I do now? I’m so used to the Lord letting me know EXACTLY what to do, so it freaks me out to have to move on my own. That I have options and choices and dreams and to pursue them. Aahhh!!!! It freaks me out!!
Now the song “Do It Again” just popped in head and now tears are flowing from my eyes. “He made a way when there was no way, and I believe that He will do it again.” Ok, God. I hear you. Full sobs now.
Let me tell you how I know He’s faithful. This month, I felt like I’ve been self sabotaging. It’s what I do sometimes. And The Lord woke me up in the middle of the night. We were talking a little bit, me feeling weird about my self sabotaging and feeling like He wouldn’t really want to talk to me (the devil is a lie, *insert eye roll), and then I went to my email to look for something specific, and I had an interesting World Race email. It was from a sweet girl, who saw my fundraising posts last year, someone who didn’t know the Lord, and now she does. She told me her testimony, which was sooooo parallel to mine and how she found the Lord and is now doing small groups and ministering to her community. She’s strongly considering doing the race once she graduates. *Insert sobs again. That email literally couldn’t have come at a better time. Thanks Jesus.”
So that is a little insight to where my brain and heart has been.
Ecuador was amazing. Our hosts and the pastor and his family were beautiful. We helped build the foundation of a new church. It was really cool to be a part of it. I also celebrated a birthday last month and felt sooooo loved And celebrated by my team and new church family. Thank you Lord for the amazing opportunity to get to experience this life. I couldn’t have done it without You.
Coming to the end of the race brings such a huge array of emotions: anxiety, excitement, relief, fear… Here is one honest post that took place at like 3am at the end of Ecuador.
“ Why God is sooooo good?? So, I haven’t blogged this month. It’s been pretty laid back. One month left. That’s it. Then the reality of the situation hits where it’s like ok, re-entry. I’ve been gone for so long. It feels like so much has changed within me. I’ve seen so much and done so much. I’ve seen how little people have and how they’re full of joy. I’ve seen slums where walls are made up of old boxes and news paper, where once it’s dark, the family eats dinner by candle light. I’ve seen hundreds of men at a homeless shelter being hit with sticks, led like herds of cattle. I’ve seen the water be so low that a gallon of water would be too much to take a bath. But I’ve seen families with faithfulness, joy, and peace, who have nothing and rely on Jesus for EVERRYYTHING. And He comes through! Every time!!
So here I am now, about to be home in five weeks (Now we’re down to 2 weeks!). I’m freaking out. I want to go home, but honestly. I’m scared. So many people had these fears of me leaving and traveling the world, because of what could happen to me while I’m gone. Honestly, up until the end of month 9, where we were held hostage for 24 hours in a fishermen’s protest, did I ever feel unsafe and that was only for a few hours. But then, when I have internet and the notifications start popping up on my phone, I see multiple mass shootings. I see an unstable government. I see tons of racism, people calling the police of black people for no reason, which is super scary since there have been a bunch of cases where they trigger happy. After having a difficult year, yet feeling safe, I’m coming back to my like of washer machines, hot water, tons of food options, whatever I want when I want it, but I have fear to step outside of my front door. I know fear is NOT God. The reality of the situation is that, America feels like it’s suupppeeeerrrr scary and dangerous, and, yeah. It makes me really sad and nervous.
So I’ve been freaking out. Kind of self sabotaging. All these things are
coming up for re-entry. Like ok God, what’s next? What do I do now? I’m so used to the Lord letting me know EXACTLY what to do, so it freaks me out to have to move on my own. That I have options and choices and dreams and to pursue them. Aahhh!!!! It freaks me out!!
Now the song “Do It Again” just popped in head and now tears are flowing from my eyes. “He made a way when there was no way, and I believe that He will do it again.” Ok, God. I hear you. Full sobs now.
Let me tell you how I know He’s faithful. This month, I felt like I’ve been self sabotaging. It’s what I do sometimes. And The Lord woke me up in the middle of the night. We were talking a little bit, me feeling weird about my self sabotaging and feeling like He wouldn’t really want to talk to me (the devil is a lie, *insert eye roll), and then I went to my email to look for something specific, and I had an interesting World Race email. It was from a sweet girl, who saw my fundraising posts last year, someone who didn’t know the Lord, and now she does. She told me her testimony, which was sooooo parallel to mine and how she found the Lord and is now doing small groups and ministering to her community. She’s strongly considering doing the race once she graduates. *Insert sobs again. That email literally couldn’t have come at a better time. Thanks Jesus.”
So that is a little insight to where my brain and heart has been.
Ecuador was amazing. Our hosts and the pastor and his family were beautiful. We helped build the foundation of a new church. It was really cool to be a part of it. I also celebrated a birthday last month and felt sooooo loved And celebrated by my team and new church family. Thank you Lord for the amazing opportunity to get to experience this life. I couldn’t have done it without You.
