Today we left Albania. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to this beautiful country. I would love to say I will be back in the future, but I don’t know what the future holds. My heart is a far more upset than I imagined it would be. I mean yes, I will miss the kids and our ministry host and the people that I have made connections with and of course the ice cream and crepes! But it goes deeper than that. I can’t shake the feeling of failure.
The feeling of failure that runs deep. The one that the enemy likes to throw in your face and say well you tried your best but you just weren’t good enough. And to some extent he’s right. I’m not good enough, none of us are. But as I was reflecting and processing on the bus this morning with Jesus He graciously reminded me that no I am not a failure. With Jesus I am enough! I came and did what He asked of me. I was obedient.
I was obedient to develop relationships and share the gospel and pour my heart into loving on people. I was feeling like a failure because the one person I really poured my heart into and shared the truth of the gospel and God’s heart for him numerous times didn’t accept Jesus and is still a Muslim. But that’s ok.
It’s ok because when someone rejects the gospel they are rejecting Jesus, not me. Jesus spoke so gently to my heart this morning and reminded me it’s not only ok but he is pleased with me. He calls us to love and to share truth, not save people. That is His job. I have full confidence that God is working in my Muslim’s friend’s life. I told him that last night and that Jesus was speaking to him. Of course he told me that was crazy because Jesus is just a man and can’t do that. That’s where you are so wrong my friend and oh how I pray you would open your eyes and see with your heart. But I told him just wait and see Jesus is going to speak to him and draw his heart right to the truth. I believe He is already doing that and if my friend will just embrace it, it will change his life forever. So that is my prayer for Roni and I would love for you to continue to pray that for him and his precious family. They left an impression on my heart.
My heart has grown to see my Muslim friends in a whole new light. He has broken my heart for each person that doesn’t have a relationship with the Lord. Sure I have prayed and pleaded for hearts to turn to Christ before, but this one is different. I am seeing this particular group of people in a new way and I am so grateful. The truth is God loves us all so very much and desires for no person to be led astray by lies and perish. The truth is I have always been afraid to speak to people that practice other religions because I have this fear that I don’t know enough.
The truth is I have all I need in the Holy Spirit. He guided my conversation all month long and I know and trust He will guide my conversations as long as I am obedient to have them. God has put peace in my heart where a feeling of failure was. I choose to not believe the lies that the enemy desires for me wallow in. Sorry not today! Today I will choose confidence in Christ and His faithfulness. I know this is a choice I have to make everyday and it’s not easy. The enemy knows this one will get me sometimes, but in those times I know that my Jesus overcomes those lies because He is the way, the truth, and the life!
