As we were traveling to Romania, we had to cross the Caspian Sea by boat. While we were on that 30-ish hour boat ride, God came and showed off His splendor.
It was perfect, the open night sky, bio-luminescent plankton bouncing off the front of the boat in an array of neon streaks, the beautiful milkyway you could see with your naked eye, the moon rising seemingly out of the water, and a meteor shower all happening on the same night. As you could imagine, we were in awe.
I drug my sleeping gear up to the top deck to sleep under the open sky for the night. As I was falling asleep I was watching for more shooting stars. As I was doing so I remember asking God for “Just one more.” There was a huge piece of me that didn’t want that night to end. Then God came and spoke to me something I was not expecting. He said,
“If I made you see another shooting star, would that mean it was real?”
To which I responded “What do you mean Father; what are you trying to speak to me right now?” Then He showed me something. He showed me how much I trust I put in the things I can see. If I see a shooting star, there’s no doubt in my mind that there was actually one there. I have built such a trust between what I see and what then I interpret as real. This is a trust we all have developed. From the moment we enter this world, we learn to see, feel, hear, taste, smell, and interpret that we interact with. Through that process we learn to trust our senses. We learn when we touch something that is too hot, to be careful when we see sharp edges, to run to the table when dinner smells amazing, to always avoid broccoli, to learn to identify words and sounds. We build a foundation of trust with what we see, hear, taste, touch, smell. That foundation is built on countless interactions and experiences that mold how we see and interact with the world. And through that process, I have learned to trust my senses deeply.
Then the Lord showed me a different perspective on how trust is built and how He wants to build a new trust in me. He spoke to me and said “Have you ever looked into the distance, thought you saw something, but when you got closer realized it was something else?” And I was like, “Yeah, I’ve done that.” Then He drove the point home and said this. “When you misunderstood what your eyes saw, did you stop using them? Did you then close your eyes and walk around blind?” And I responded “No, that’s crazy talk!”
“So why do you stop trusting me when you misinterpret what I am doing? Why is your first instinct to live closed to me when you hear wrong? If you want to know Me, you will make mistakes. Are you willing to make those mistakes to fully know Me?”
Needles to say, it rocked my world. On a night where God was showing us His Majesty, the longing of His heart for me to know Him was crying out. This message was not a rebuke, it was a loving call to know Him further. To not give up when I fall down or am confused. A gentle reminder of the call that He wants to know me, and He wants me to know Him.
I think all of us, at some level, are afraid of making mistakes. Of possibly being wrong or looking foolish. It’s a fear that paralyses us from growth. In every area in our lives that we have ever grown, we have experienced mistakes. Our walk with the Father is no different, and I’m still learning to fully embrace that.
To see my mistakes as beautiful steps leading me closer to knowing Him. To step back and laugh when I mistake what He is doing. To live in humility, knowing that I’ll never hear everything right. But through it all that my mistakes would never keep me from pursuing deeper intimacy with Him, but rather push me closer to His heart.
It’s so freeing knowing that God welcomes our mistakes because it means we are still running toward Him. As I closed my eyes that night I found a new peace and confidence to step out in what God was teaching me in that season. Where is God challenging you right now? Are you willing to make mistakes so that you can learn to hear Him clearer?
Photo Credit: Soloman Childers
