This blog is going back to Cambodia. One of our last weeks there we got an email for PVT or parent vision trip. This is an opportunity for my parents to come and visit me and see what I am going. This trip is from February 27- march 4th and will be in Guatemala… YES GUATEMALA. I freaked out when I found out and it falls on the day that my parents brought Hall home.
When I got the email saying I could invite my parents I filled out the form and invited them right away. Pretty soon after that I was talking to my mom and found out that they would most likely not be able to come due to money. In that moment my heart broke. I didn’t know what to do. I was broken….
My parents coming to PVT had been something I was clinging on to. I had given everything I was struggling with to Jesus except for my homesickness because my parents were coming to see me in a few months. I had been really struggling with figuring out who I was (I still am struggling with that) and self image and confidence.
By my parents saying they weren’t coming my final wall broke. I was mad at God… no I was pissed off. I was confused on why he would do this to me. I was in Cambodia, halfway across the world. I was giving up everything to serve him. why would he take away the one thing I couldn’t wait to happen.
So I was dealing with Shame, homesickness, and so much more and I didn’t know how to function. I could barely get through a day without crying. I wanted to go home. And to make it even harder my mom told me she didn’t want to fundraise for the trip. So I decided that I had to surrender my homesickness to him. I mean that’s the reason I got my tattoo to remind myself to surrender everything to him, right.
So I went to Jesus with my struggles. I laid it all out on the table, even though I know he knows what i was going through. I gave him my worries of homesickness and shame and told him here you go… I can’t do this alone.
I was constantly asking for my parents to get the money in my prayers and nothing was happening. Not until the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I was on the way to church with my host family and I texted my mom from my teammates phone and she told me that we received a AIRBNB for our house for that week. And the money was going straight towards the trip. Later I found out they received a scholarship from AIM for the trip. I was overjoyed. I had surrendered my struggle to Jesus and he was providing. But the money wasn’t going to be easy to raise so I kept asking Jesus to provide.
I was getting really frustrated. I mean how the heck are my parents supposed to come up with a large amount of money to see me for a week. I mean after PVT I will only have three months left till I saw them. I started wondering if I was being to selfish. I was worried that I was asking for to much by asking them to come. But I really really wanted a hug from my mom and dad.
But I realized I’m not being selfish. Every racer wants there parents from time to time. I haven’t been away from home for more than a month and that mont was so hard for me. How did I expect myself to not miss them for 9 months. It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to missing family.
The first Sunday I had in the Valle De Angele in Honduras I was messaging my mom and she told me that she had amazing news. Then left me hanging for ten minutes. When she finally told me she sent me a picture of a check with the exact amount of money written on it for PVT. I started crying in the pizza place where I had found WIFI. I won’t tell you how she got the money because that’s private and I don’t want to spill everything…. (los siento) But God provided something that I had been worrying about for a month.
HE PROVIDES DON’T FORGET IT!
HE ANSWERs YOUR PRAYERS, MY PRAYERS, ANYONES PRAYERS! Don’t doubt it but don’t expect it to happen the very next day. And doubt be afraid if he doesn’t answer one. It might be something that just needs to happen. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner, I’ve heard it so many times. But that day I realized that he will always take care of my fears and worries. He will always provide and answer prayers. But most of all he listens to every single thing I say, even the tiny unimportant things.
