Words come like the crappy CVS pens that you always end up shaking to get the ink out even though they’re full of color on the inside. Not like the nice G-2 0.5 pens that can keep up with your urgent stories of intestinal parasites or soup kitchen ministry. See, I’ve been shaking and shaking knowing that the pen is full, but here I am stumbling over the emotions that seem to be clogged in knowing how quickly the end of this season is approaching.
I wrote a few thoughts in Africa, but quite honestly my intentionality failed on the endeavor of seeking out internet. No excuses no excuses. Nevertheless, here I am in the attic of our ministry stuffing beanbag chairs, reflecting on the ways the Lord has wrecked and rebuilt my heart in these past eight months. I want to share all of the stories — ALL OF THEM — because seeing how personal our God is in the way He works is breathtaking. However, the stories will come with time of picking apart the lessons and finding their place in the puzzle. Instead I want to focus the weight His kingdom holds, and how I’ve come to feel this since abandoning the cozy town of Mooresville.
Since arriving to Ecuador, I’ve continuously had this image of a scale. The end that is weighed down is a triangle while the lighter end is a circle. Every time I sit and wonder abut this picture, the Lord reminds me that His glory, His love, His grace, will ALWAYS weigh more than the temporary hardships of this world. I’m still unpacking why this has proven to be so crucial in the last chapter of the race. What I’ve come to believe thus far is that homesickness and exhaustion are so so real; they have begun to fill my heart with a quicksand that makes it a little harder to walk up that hill on the way to ministry. One that drags my eyelids down around noon instead of four on the weekdays. Gosh there are so many good and sweet things on this journey, but let’s be real – it’s hard too. The reality that I’m holding onto is that eternity’s weight will always make that sand feel weightless so that my feet don’t drag anymore, and my eyes able to open wide enough to feel the warmth of Luis’ smile when he comes to get food from our ministry on Sundays with his family.
There’s weight in knowing that in 37 days I’ll be on American soil. There’s weight in knowing that constant community will soon be a foreign idea again. There’s also weight in looking back in feeling all of the good that Jesus has done and is continuing to do across the globe.
My apologies for sucking really hard at updates and consistency; believe it or not, it’s something I’ve been learning the past few months. I’m still just over $1,000 away from being fully funded, so PLEASE be praying about how you can support as this journey is rounding out. Love you all so much. Thank you for your love & prayers!!!
