In a few short days I will board a plane headed for America. After nine months, six countries, and endless experiences that have left me in awe, I will walk through the front door of my home and be surrounded by the people I have known all my life. Though there are mixed emotions, I am excited for it all. I am excited for friends, family, normal food, warm showers, a comfortable bed, toilets that flush properly, and my own car that can take me anywhere I want to go.
Although I can’t claim to be 100% ready for it all. I fear saying goodbye to this season of life. I tend to wake up each morning and feel my heart ache at the number of days left until I board that plane by myself. My eyes well up in tears at the thought of hugging my friends bye and watching them leave for the other side of the country. I feel a knot in my stomach as I take a moment to reflect on my favorite people and places, fully aware that I will not return to most of them. Anxiety creeps in at the thought of me returning and falling into old habits of complacency, forgetting the freedom and life I found throughout this past year. I let all of these human emotions overwhelm me. But then comes God’s perspective, one that is far more beautiful than mine. Thankfully He shared these words with me this morning to ease my wandering heart-
“What’s the point of Me teaching you all of these things if you’re not willing to go home and share it all? I have given you all you need and so much more. Don’t be fearful of getting hurt or feeling undesirable things. I am there regardless. I give strength and confidence. I give hope. I am all of these things in one. So use this power and know that you have work to do.”
This is the truth I have the gift of clinging to. Truth is not found in my anxieties or fears. Nothing good comes out of hesitance and avoiding the tough things. Instead I am able to be empowered by a relentless God that provides what I need. I am strengthened by a God that propels me forward each day. If I remain open to what He has, then the doubt and dismay evaporates. The truth of the matter is that the last nine months would be a waste if I am not willing to move on and take what I have learned home.
God is not confined to rural India, Nepalese jungles, African villages, or Ecuadorian special needs schools. He transcends all of these places and is now waiting for me in Dripping Springs, Texas. What matters is me not letting go of who I have become or what I have experienced. What matters is me using the spirit He has given me to be strong and put in the work necessary for this next season of life (and all of the ones to come).
So yes, I am human and I am a bit timid of arriving in America. That fear isn’t going to disappear overnight (though I wish it would). The good thing is that I have experienced such a sweet life in the presence of God and I am able to walk into these next few days feeling equipped by who I have understood Him to be. That’s as much as I can ask for.
With me returning home I would love to catch up with all of you! Whether it be coffee, lunch, a walk, or whatever, I want to spend time with all of the people I have missed so dearly. Not only has a lot happened in my life these past few months but yours as well. Shoot me a message and let’s set something up!! I cannot say thank you enough to those of you who have kept up with me all these months. The love is unparalleled and something that I will never get over. See y’all SO soon!
xoxo,
Emily
