It’s Monday morning and I’m learning how to salsa dance with my class of special needs students. It’s Tuesday and I’m walking around helping an eight year old learn how to walk. It’s Wednesday and I spend an hour going from table to table feeding people. It’s Thursday and I’m sitting in a dark room working on enhancing senses with a sweet little boy that has come to overwhelm my heart. It’s Friday and my teammate and I run with a thirteen year old for what seems like hours, singing the same song over and over to help him focus and get all his energy out.
It’s a week in Quito, Ecuador. The days are filled with things that I never anticipated nor expected myself partaking in. There’s patience being forced in nearly every second and lots of shortcomings of mine that keep showing up in moments I’d rather them not.
It’s nearly the end of month eight of the race and I’m here to tell you that life is not always easy. In fact, it’s getting messier and messier. There are days where I feel at the end of my rope but because of His faithfulness I am learning that God shows up more than ever when it comes to the messy, unforeseen, difficult day to day things. The things that are often the very substance to my life and most likely yours.
This past week was a particularly rough time. I found myself physically and mentally exhausted from the moment I woke up to the time I went to bed. Living with forty people started to get the best of me and steadfastness was lacking more than I would like to admit when it came to ministry. It all had me coming back to our house only to lay on my teammates bed while I held back tears because I wanted nothing more than to be home. I’m not proud of this but it’s the reality of it all. Thankfully though, God has hit me over the head multiple times since then and reminded me of His heart.
In my frustration and shortcomings He has reminded me that none of this is actually about me in the slightest. It’s about Him and how He is capable of moving as long as I stay open to His love. If I stay both present and focused on my true purpose, that being hope and love in something far greater than myself, then I can take whatever comes my way and step into things I could never otherwise. This is the truth that triumphs everything else, both good and bad. It overpowers all of the moments of me clenching my teeth and saying things I didn’t mean to say.
So this is life these days. A lot of deep breaths and trying to cling to what I am learning. I’m lucky enough to have the greatest friends to push me on in it all and force me to open my eyes to the larger, more holy picture, and to have a God that is so patient yet willing to push me when I think I can’t go much further all at the same time. At the end of the day it’s all about Him and the relentless love He has for us all.
xoxo,
Emily
