In my darkest moments, God choses me. Even when I feel absolutely unworthy, my best isn’t good enough, I am apathetic, tired, burnt out, impatient, doubting, tired of trying, impatient (oh wait did I already say that?), etc. Some days do you feel this way too? You’re not alone.
Trust that God’s promises are far more trustworthy than our fleeting feelings.
“For all who are led by the spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into FEAR, but you have received the Spirit of ADOPTION as sons [and daughters], by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are CHILDREN of God and fellow HEIRS with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
…Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself INTERCEDES for us with groaning too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit INTERCEDES for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God ALL THINGS work together for good, for those who are CALLED according to his purpose.
…He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him GRACIOUSLY give us all things.” (Romans 8:14-34)
I’m no longer a SLAVE to fear, I am a CHILD of God.
It’s taken me months to really understand, grasp, and fully believe this. To be honest, there’s so many days where I just want to throw in the towel and say “I give up. I wanna go home.” It’s exhaustion, vulnerability, fighting for community, compassion apathy, painful sanctification, physical sickness, confrontation, stings of unworthiness, and loneliness that lead me to fear. I am learning to wrestle well through it.
So in India I was working at Mother Teresa’s Home with disabled women. At the end of a long day, a Hindu volunteer told me “you are so beautiful interacting with the women. I loved watching you, it was magical.”
I laughed. If only she knew how frail I am. So I said, “Any bit of good in me is Jesus.”
She responded, “Huh. You know, you’re right. As I watched you, I thought ‘she is a child of God’s.’”
WHAT? Hold the phone. At my weakest point, a Hindu saw Jesus in me?! She recognized it was more than good works, humanitarian acts, or mere niceness. It was the gift of the Holy Spirit alive and active in me. She didn’t see Liz, she saw Christ!
I want to mimic John the baptists heart when he preaches, “A person cannot receive even ONE thing unless it is given him from heaven… He must INCREASE, but I must decrease.” (John 3:27,30)
Oh God, give me more of You and less of me. He > I
When I was 19 years old, I came to salvation through the scripture of Ephesians 3:8-10, “For by GRACE you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the GIFT of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” And 5 years later, I preach this verse to myself DAILY because I need reminders that it is not based on me nor my works. I boast in nothing but Christ’s sacrificial work on the cross.
The more I lean into the identity of an adopted daughter of God, the less I need to prove myself. The more my identity shifts from me to Him, the more I trust the Holy Spirit’s strength in me and stop relying on my flesh. I can glorify God by coming to the end of myself. I am dying to self-sufficiency and boasting in my weakness.
I adore Paul’s confession in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “But he [Lord] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made PERFECT in WEAKNESSES.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Hello world, I am a hot mess. I need help. So here’s me, Liz, boasting in weaknesses, dying to myself, and celebrating Christ’s sufficient grace.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)
Hey you, yes you. It’s okay to be weak. Whatever you’re going through now, you’re not alone.
PS- it’s month 7 (over midway point for our squad) and the exhaustion and spiritual warfare is at a whole new high. Almost every single person is physically sick. My team is about to travel on a 25 hour train ride to New Delhi. We need your prayers!
