I remember it like it was yesterday, and have been thinking about it so much more these past few weeks. I was 15 years old and i was reading my bible. I was reading in matthew about the great comission for the first time, and something about those words pulled at my heart, and I felt empowered by it in my being. I wanted to go and make disciples of all nations and so on and so forth. Little did I know 10 years later this would be a reality.
I sit here now, just 11 short days away from going to the nations and spreading the gospel. Who knew that those words Jesus spoke to me all those years ago were ones he intended for my life. It all seems so surreal and unimaginable that this is real life and really happening and that the words of Jesus are being experienced and lived out in this season of my life now. I should be excited, nervous, scared, and many other emotions that other racers that are getting ready to launch are feeling or experiencing. Instead, I am calm, collected, and just going through life as if its everyday and not much is really happening.
It is as though it hasn’t truly sunk in yet. It hasn’t sunk in that i am not going to be able to call my mom at anytime and talk to her or her voice and let her encourage me or calm me down when i am overwhelmed or anxious.
It hasn’t sunk in that the country i have lived in for my entire life, is not going to be my country of residence for the next year and possibly my life (which is something i am hoping and praying for).
It hasn’t sunk in the life is going to continue moving and i am going to miss out on some things that are big, or milestones in peoples lives.
It hasn’t sunk in that i will not be able to text or call my best friend any time of day to chat or hang out.
It hasn’t sunk in that in a couple of days i will be saying see you later to a job and people in that job that have been used by God to encourage, challenge, and love me as well as show me areas in my heart and life that need to look more like Jesus and be given to him.
It hasn’t sunk in that i am leaving a place i just moved to that actually have had an impact on me that i came to love and enjoy in just a short amount of time.
It also has not sunk in that God is about to completely transform and grow me and renew me and speak to me and reveal things to me in ways like never before.
It also has not sunk in that many lives are about to encounter Jesus and be changed because of an act of obedience to Christ.
Though there are many other things to list these are just some of the main things i think of. Truthfully, i am not scared, i am not nervous, and at least not right now in this moment, letting go and saying see you later is not jard and challenging. But i do know it may be here in the next week in a half when it may just be one of the hardest see you laters i may ever say.
I look at scripture and those that God has called to trust him and follow him and leave everything behind. People like Abraham, Joseph, Jesus and the disciples, and it does not mention much about how they felt about it all and how much they were leaving. It did not mention them being nervous or scared or hesitant. It does mention that they either immediately followed, or they did as God had orchestrated or commanded. Because of their faithful obedience, God accomplished so much through them and many lives were saved, and i cannot help but think God will do the same thing through me as i willingly and faithfully follow him and leave everything behind for his glory and the growth of our personal relationship.
“And Jesus said to them; if anyone wants to be my disciple let him demy himself, take up his cross and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
“The Lord said to Abram, Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land i will show you.” (Genesis 12:1)
Am i ready for it??? I am ready for Christ to move and have HIS way in and with my life, even if that means letting go and leaving everything behind including the way my life is right now. I am more than willing for the sake of his name and our relationship and know him more and more.
