When I was younger (I want to say around 5th grade), I was introduced to this story called Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It was a pretty weird story if you ask me, I mean whoever wrote the book must have been a little crazy themselves. For those who may not know, this story is about a scientist named Dr. Jekyll who was conducting an experiment on himself, that would allow him to separate his good nature from his evil nature. He was trying to prove that in all of us, there is an evil that has no conscience, nor does it care. Well, after drinking a potion, he was able to prove his theory about an evil nature true. Mr. Hyde went on and committed a series of violent attacks on others, and it got to a point where Dr. Jekyll kind of lost his humanity and his good nature, due to the fact that Mr. Hyde overpowered him and took control of him.
An interesting story nonetheless, and over the years I just did not think about it. Well, this past week that story came up again as I sat in an auditorium at a worship event. The person speaking at this event was talking about our sinful nature, and how prone we are to sin, which isn’t something new. I have heard this before, However, this time it was much different. Galatians 5:16-17 states: “So I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” Not realizing it, but the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, suddenly became more apparent, and found meaning within me, as I listened to God speak to me through this verse.
I began to look at my own life and see the battle raging within myself. My sinful nature vs my new Christ-like spirit filled life, reminded me of the battle those two forces had in the story, in the same man. Like Dr. Jekyll, I try so hard to completely separate myself from this evil nature, as a means to “be right” and be the image of what God intends for me. this lead for me to focus a lot of the attention on myself, and doing right not just in God’s eyes, but in others lives as a means to be a witness of God at work in my life. That was the real and genuine intention of my actions. However, it became apparent that I was so focused on trying to “do good” that my evil sinful nature was beginning to overcome me, and I started indulging in things I thought I was delivered from. My own personal Mr. Hyde (failure, proving my worth, proving that I was good enough, same sex attraction just to name a few) began to seep its way back into my life and keep me stagnant from the work that God had started and begun in me. Like Dr. Jekyll, I try to cover up my Mr. Hyde, and not really show or talk about that nature in my life, simply because I wish it was not there and would just leave. But God has other plans. The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde within myself has a different ending than the original. God reminds me that when he spoke in John ch 3 about bringing my deeds into the light, not just to him but for others to see, is something God is working with me in. Admitting my Mr. Hyde nature before others as a means to bear witness of God and his glory and grace is what he wants, so that others may recognize the hope that is freely shown and salvation that is given. I still do good, but not as a means to make myself “right’ I have already been made right. Rather, it is done in love of the one who made my wrongs right in Christ. Honestly, having the focus on me and trying to do right, actually distracted me from God’s intentions and what he tells me, which is to love him and show that love to others. Now, I kind of understand Paul when he tells the church in Galatia, “you were running a good race, who stepped in to take you off course.” Well, that person was me, myself, and Mr. Hyde.
We all have Mr. Hyde within us, and I know there are others like myself, who do not want to talk about it or show others simply because of fear. Fear of rejection, what others may think or say, etc. But God knows and he uses those parts too, as part of his story that can really have an impact in someones life for the sake of their salvation and the kingdom. What is more beautiful about that, is you see more of who you are in Christ when you trust God with Mr. Hyde. You experience his love, his grace and mercy, and you begin to see that he is so much bigger than you can imagine. Best of all, you see the acceptance God has for you, and the joy to know, that one day. Mr Hyde will be forever gone, and you will never have to worry about him ever again. It took a lot for me to see that, a lot of tears, and a lot of telling God no, before I trusted him with that part of my life for his purposes. I am safe when I am with him, and I see the real me finally breaking through.
