As a kid, around the age of 9 I asked Jesus into my life and began the journey of Christianity, but my relationship with Jesus did not begin.
Though this time in my life was a key part of my life and figuring out what the Lord had for me and for us, I can confidently say that I don’t believe I had a relationship with Jesus. I knew the Sunday school answers and my grandparents and my parents at times poured truth into me, but it wasn’t until I was about 14/15 that I actually started my relationship with Jesus. During this time I struggled a lot with Him and accepting the love He had for me and the love I received from Him over those years I didn’t have a relationship with Him.
A big part of this was a question I always asked Him; If you loved me so much, why would you let bad things happen to me, my family, and people around me?
The answer is not pretty and though it doesn’t make sense to my human self I know that faith plays a big part into it.
The answer: Sin. When Adam and Eve sinned and brought sin into the world they opened it up for this perfect world to become corrupt and evil. And though I might not do anything in particular to cause bad things to happen, they happen because of the evil and bad that is in this world. And the thing is that I connected those bad things to God because He is the Almighty but in the Bible it says that He doesn’t put us through anything that He knows we can’t handle.
I’ve realized how poorly I have looked at God and what He had done in my life. If you know my family or my story at all you know that my childhood was not the worst but it was also not the easiest. We moved a lot, my parents have been on and off many of times, and I have had a lot of anger and forgiveness issues with my parents.
Two things I had to work through during this time:
1. everything in my life happened for a reason to either grow me or teach me something
2. knowing that my heavenly father and my earthly father were not the same. My dad on earth would fail me and mess up, but my heavenly father would never fail. My dad and I used to have a pretty bad relationship and I had a lot of anger and hate for him, but as I learned more about loving the heavenly father and how the heavenly father loved me I was able to forgive and have healing. And now I am so thankful for that relationship with my dad and I am so thankful for the Lord breaking down walls with me and him and me and Him. Yes my dad still has lots to work on and he is not perfect, but I have new mercies everyday so I must extend those and learn from them daily.
And now the Lord is doing the same thing with my mom right now. I have to constantly remind myself to extend grace and love but also protect my heart. He is teaching me that no matter the circumstances at home, or on the race He is my home, my refuge and shelter. He is my father and my mother, my best friend, and my constant.
Why am I telling you this?
Because at the launch of my trip I got a key that had a prophetic word on it, and mine was Psalm 91.
This chapter had no prior meaning to me, but as month 1 has gone on I have dissected this passage and have learned so much about it and myself. I won’t type the whole thing out, because you should definitely go read it, but basically it talks about The Lord being our refuge and shelter. Which is hilarious because this summer at camp the verse we taught our kids was Psalm 91:2 and I memorized that verse and said it multiple times a day with my kids, and I never thought more of it, but I believe He was preparing me for what He was going to teach me in this season in my life.
Which is that no matter how hard life gets or how bad things are at home or with people in my life, The Lord is always constant. Always loving. Always present. Always an ear to listen and to respond. He is my home, my shelter, my refuge, my place of rest, of safety, and of love.
Everyday I am learning something new and he reveals Himself to me in new and cool ways all the time, but I do sin. I mess up and I fall off the path He has for me, but it is okay because He forgives me and continues to love me and show himself to me.
