*Pop*
“Well, great, there goes my hip.”
–Jacob (Genesis 32:25)
I would ask you to imagine what it must have felt like to be Jacob in that moment, but I know you don’t have to imagine it… You’ve lived it. I dare you to look me in the eyes and tell me you’ve never wrestled with God.
“No, Diana, I’m serious. God has never popped my hip out of socket!”
…
…….
…………..
…….
I wish you could see my face right now. I’m raising my eyebrows.
You’ve never felt opposition in your heart towards something God is commanding you to do? You’ve never questioned a decision God asserted into your life without your permission? You’ve never wet your pillow with tears, asking ‘why, God?’, or ‘how, God?’, or ‘please, God?’? You’ve never hated a lesson He’s taught you? What about a dream He’s taken away?
So, let me get this straight, you’ve always loved dying to yourself?
“When you put it that way, maybe my ‘hip’ has been a little achy at times…”
Mine’s busted.
Let me explain.
There’s this shepherd. And He’s lost one of His sheep, so He leaves the 99, in search for the one who decided to go her own way, instead of following her Leader. The little sheep saw some fresher grass over the hill and across the stream, and made a run for it. But she didn’t see the wolf hovering in the bush on the way there. The wolf’s about ready to pounce. She’s almost dead meat. But the Shepherd snatches her up. And she struggles to be free from His arms.
See, she never saw the wolf behind the bush. She is still thinking about the fresh grass, and that her mean-hearted Shepherd must not want her to live the most luxurious life. And so she fights Him. She baas and bleets for help.
“Let me go!” She cries. “There’s a better life for me over there!” And the Shepherd’s heart sinks, because He knows if He releases her, she’s going to be eaten by the wolves. So he breaks her legs.
In other words…
*Pop*
Then, He wraps His arms around her belly, and places her gently on His shoulders. And He carries her there until her legs heal, or more accurately, until she has a better understanding of who He is. And then, He puts her back on the ground, to walk on her own. But at that time, she stays close to His side, and she doesn’t leave. Because she knows His heart. She knows she can trust His leadership. She knows He would give His life for her.
She also knows how badly it hurt to have her legs broken…
Or in our cases, our hips popped.
I wish I could take credit for the content in that story. I can’t. A shepherd in Biblical times would literally break the legs of his runaway sheep, keep them on his shoulders until the legs healed, and then the sheep would not stray away from the shepherd again.
God put this picture of our struggle with Him in His creation long before I ever had my first breath.
Sidenote: I’m so thankful God is a God of imagery.
“Wow, God, look at that lushes green grass! All those other sheep seem to be loving it so much! Look at the jobs I could get, the life I could live! I could pay off my debt, get married, have precious little kiddos, eat delicious food, be near my family, be comfortable. I’m about to graduate, and that green grass is right at my fingertips!”
“Diana, how about 11 countries in 11 months, instead? Surrendering your close friends and family, put your dreams and desires on hold. Pause those plans. Let’s take a stroll through the wilderness.”
Boy, did I wrestle.
And boy, did that hip pop.
Running the opposite direction is really hard with a dislocated hip, hahaha.
I’m still healing. I’ve been sitting on His shoulders for three months. I like the view from up here. I can see His love for orphans in India better, because I’ve been there to love on them. I can see His mountains from the Nepal rooftops better, and hear His voice louder when I’m perched right by his head. I can call out the brokenness of the women who work as prostitutes, of the men who visit the red light district in Bangkok to buy them, by sharing with them their true worth and identity. I can do all these, because I’ve been sitting on His shoulders, listening to Him proclaim how deeply He loves me for three months.
My hip is still sore. I’m not ready for Him to slide me off His shoulders. It’s easier to find Him when He is underneath me. I know it’ll get a little more challenging when He gives me more freedom, and puts me back on the ground in the US again, where I’m comfortable, and I have more say in my next step.
For now, I praise Him for the wrestling. I praise Him for helping me say ‘yes’ to this incredible journey. I praise Him that I am free to struggle. I praise Him for His kind heart, and loving direction.
And I hope He only has to pop my hip a few times, before I can cling to His side and immediately respond,
“May it be to me as you have said.”
As it is, I’m soaking up every moment on His shoulders, resting my chin on His hair, clinging to His forehead because it’s the only thing I know. And while I wait for my legs to heal, I’ll declare all the things He teaches me about His loving, gracious, compassionate, kindness to those around me.
