Three years ago today, I was at my breaking point with missions. I was halfway through my first mission trip. I was alone on the other side of the world for a summer, working with refugees from around the globe, and trying to fit in with a long term team that was not all that accepting of an outsider. I had huge expectations for the summer, and instead I found myself constantly being looked down on in disappointment. I felt lost. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was being crushed by the weight of letting God down, letting myself down, letting the ministry down, and letting my supporters down. “I’m done, God. I want to go home. I will never do this again.” God whispered an immediate response, “Your home is in me.” I brushed off his words and made plans to escape for the day.
After my breakdown that morning, I decided to finally go explore Vienna. I had been living right outside the city for almost a month and hadn’t seen it yet, so I figured I would just escape for the day. I took the train ride to reflect, I explored the city, got lost, and witnessed some amazing sites of Vienna. It is a beautiful city. Toward the end of the day, I did a full tour of Saint Stephans Cathedral. It is a sight to behold. God met me there and told me I’m not a disappointment to him or anyone else, and just because the mission he sent me on was incredibly difficult, that didn’t mean that I was ineffective. He brought to mind so many conversations full of seeds he asked me to plant in people I met everyday. Austria is where I fell in love with refugees. They were why I was there, loving he unlovable was my mission, and the things that happened with the team were meant to teach me valuable lessons that I get live out daily on the mission field today.
Around the corner from the cathedral in Vienna is a park with a HUGE fountain. I found a bench, sat down, and kept chatting with the Lord, asking for truth in the midst of the lies, and praying over the city. I noticed on the other side of the fountain was a homeless woman sleeping on a bench. A police officer walked over to her, said something I couldn’t hear but can only imagine it was something to the effect of “You need to leave,” and she got up and started walking away. As she started walking, I got up, but I didn’t really know why. Then, I noticed the bottom of her feet were black and bleeding. I felt the Spirit telling me to give her my shoes. I resisted at first, thinking of trying to get back to the train station and home without shoes. I simply didn’t want to. But the Lord wouldn’t let me walk away. So I walked over to her, took my shoes off, put them on her feet, and immediately she burst out in tears. I said something to her that for the life of me I can’t remember, and she immediately wrapped me in the biggest, smelliest hug I’ve ever been a part of, and wept on my shoulder as I prayed over her. It was this moment that my heart lightened. I had a love for this woman that was purely from the Lord. He removed the scales and bitterness form my eyes in the cathedral minutes before and through this moment of pure obedience to the Lord, he made me fall in love with missions right there in the middle of downtown Vienna. From then on, I’ve never been able to imagine life without mission. How could I not spread his love? As I walked back across the city shoeless, the Lord whispered, “This is why you’re here. She is why you’re here. I am not finished with you.” I went home in slight pain from my feet, but it didn’t matter because I was overflowing with more joy than I had ever experienced in life. Even now, I still pray for that woman the Lord showed me in the park. The woman who never said a word, but whose gratitude changed my life. The woman who God cares enough about to send me across the world to encounter.
Because of that day three years ago and the immense perspective and life change it brought, I am on the World Race today. As I reflected today on where I was three years ago, I couldn’t help but share. Sometimes we will never see the far reaching effects of obeying the Lord, but sometimes the Lord may just change our lives forever.
