As I write this it is 10:28pm here in Chiang Khong, Thailand.
I am laying on a sleeping pad (borrowed from a squadmate, thanks Kelsay) on the floor of a very small church under a mosquito net. The floors are questionable, meaning that one wrong jump and you could fall through. There is a porcelain squatty potty that is the bathroom accompanied by a hose attached to a faucet for a shower. We have a one burner stove to cook meals on and were told there’s no refrigerator but we lucked out on that end. Needless to say, this month (I’ve been here for 3 days) has been rough. The toughest living conditions I’ve had the entire race.. let’s just say I thought I was Gung-ho before. Ready to conquer whatever was thrown at me. Well folks, spoiler alert: I was wrong. As bugs attack me because my phone illuminates a very attractive light, I want to scream. I want to leave this place and never look back. I, for the first time in my race, want to go home. Ya know, it’s month 10. It’s month 10! So close to the finish line, then here. I JUST HAD TO KILL A COCKROACH INSIDE OF MY TENT: YELLING IM FINE. Really to convince myself more than anyone else.
In all realness.. I am fine. That doesn’t mean this is easy. This is rough. I haven’t had to sleep on a floor for more than 3 consecutive days my entire race. I haven’t had to live like this my whole Race for more than 2 nights. Lol. So call me high maintenance, call me boogie, whatever you call me… you’re probably right. I’m always the silver lining type of person… oh you know the “it could be a lot worse” type of person. But not right now, not today. Because the truth is… I am hot, I have an underlying exhaustion every single day, I crave freedom, I crave comfort, I crave some solitude, I want my family, I want my dog, I want Taco Bell, and I want my life back.
This is the truth: if I could just get a daggum week without any obligations I’d be fine. I’d be ready to head back out. I have been around people constantly for 9.2 months not a day to myself since January 7th, 2017 and I’m a lover of the World Race. Pretty much everything about it. I have fallen in love with people and cultures around the world. I’ve learned so many people’s names and stories that I will carry with me. I’ve loved most of the ministry hosts that I’ve had. I’m an advocate of the healthy way you’re set up to receive from the Lord and give back on this journey. I love community and I’ve learned so much about what community should look like and what it shouldn’t. I’ve learned so much about myself and who Cristen really is. Ive learned so much about my relationship with the Lord. Ive enjoyed far more days on the race than I’ve not.
But right now in this very moment:
I’m ready to come home.
I know I’ll miss this as soon as I get there and I’m praying into coming back out but home just sounds so good for just a few days. That’s all I need really. Just a bed, my dog, my mom, my dad, my brothers and sisters, some American Mexican food, and some friends and I’ll be just fine.
So this is for you my fellow American friends and family. Hug yourself real tight, then go to Taco Bell alone and order a number 8 with soft tacos with a sangria blast/Pepsi blend to drink and get a side of nacho chips and cheese and heck grab some cinnamon twists too, then drive to a park alone get out and find a lovely bench and sit there alone and enjoy your meal, strike up a conversation with someone that will totally understand your English and think of me (Sitting here under a mosquito net, on a borrowed sleeping pad, in an old church crammed into one room with seven people) and enjoy your day. Live your life. Be thankful. Be genuine. Be aware of how good your beautiful life is and I’ll try to do the same just probably not today. I’ll try again tomorrow.
