Renew my mind Lord,
This is something I’ve been intentional about in prayer and in action. This is something I’ve been struggling with since way before coming here and have just noticed more as time has went by.
Lord, why do I keep having these negative thoughts. Why do I feel like my opinion is the only one that matters or is right? Why am I being selfish? When are these thoughts going to change? Why am I still battling this??
As I mentioned in my last blog, vulnerability is key. Wherever you are. There’s power in bringing your pains and struggles to the light. The devil can no longer speak lies and let it manifest when you take it to God and others and allow Him and your fellow brothers and sisters speak truth into it… so I took it to my family of 57 during vulnerability night and just shared. I had to get it out in the open to everyone. And a lovely sQuadmate, Sara, spoke about it in a new light. She said “God calls us to pick up our cross daily and carry it, maybe this is your cross but you’re picking it up daily.” WOW I needed to hear that. For right now, God may not have intention to heal me from that overnight as easily as it is for Him to do so. No, I wouldn’t learn that way and He knows it. I have to choose daily. I have to fight daily. I no longer am a victim, I’m an advocate. I am worth fighting for. My team leader Luis said to me, “Cristen, God intends to heal you from that soon. He’s going to liberate you” my next thought was “yeah! When?!” Ya know, I fall short daily. I just want an attitude check from the Lord. I don’t want to be a negative Nancy in my mind. I don’t want to be miserable. How is there joy in that mindset? There’s not. It’s simple. I’ve let my bad attitude control my tongue for far too long and I’m not having it anymore. I am a daughter of the King. I am/We are created to speak life over others and into them. The difference we can make by being a light instead of trying to dim others in tremendous. Whether we realize it or not, it’s very true.I also received feedback from my team on this during super feedback. It was something I was aware of but didn’t really know how noticeable it may have been to others or how it affected them until this moment. Until people boldly and lovingly stepped out and told me what they saw in me and called me to greater. They called me to step up and address not only what was manifesting physically and outwardly but they called me to take it to the Lord and seek the deeper cause of it and it’s helped me in ways they’ll probably never truly know and I still am battling this issue, I’m not coming from a place of complete healing but I am coming from the process.. from the growth and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with knowing that I chose me. I choose the true me, the me that I was created to be. I am I longer going to rob myself of her. The devil can no longer have this.
“The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21(NIV)It’s not easy, but actively choosing truth instead of lies is so worth it.
What cross are you carrying? Who are you sharing it with? Are you harboring it within or bringing it to light?
Our burdens… We were never meant to carry. Hand it over to The Lord, He so desperately has been waiting to carry it for you.“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?” James 1:9-11
