Insecure. Not good enough. Not confident. A burden. Too much. Not enough. Shy. Too loud. Too whatever lie the world told me that day.
Lies. These masked statements parading around as honesty have been repeated in my head over and over through the years. Sometimes they cloud my vision to the point I can barely make out the truth. I am weighed down by these lies.
I wish I could tell you this struggle is one of the past. I wish that I could stand before you, a perfect example of freedom thanks to Christ, but I can’t. Since being on the Race, the lies have not gone away. I’m still struggling with the lies and fighting for the truth, even from this place of serving and loving people around the world.
The Lord has been teaching me to seek truth in these moments. To take every thought captive, and push through the lies. To combat these lies with truth, and when I cannot see it for myself, allow others to speak truth over me.
This past week, we had the awesome opportunity to host a women’s ministry with the women of our village. Our team shared different testimonies about crippling lies they’ve heard and the grace God has poured out to reveal his truth. My teammate Lizzy preached on the woman at the well (John 4). She preached on how the Lord saw the Samaritan woman, and took time out of his day to speak with her and to let her be seen. He pushed past the lies that the world had told her, and spoke truth over her.
After the teaching, the group of forty-or-so women went through an activity to declare their worth.. To stand up in front of the group and proclaim who the Lord said they were. To fight the lies that the world has told them. To boldly speak truth over themselves.
It was incredible to witness women boldly proclaim who they are in Christ. In a culture where women are thought of as less than, and seen as only caretakers and mothers. It was powerful to see these women take a stand and fight lies that they have been told with the truth.
As the women discussed in their groups, I had time to think about what I wanted to declare over myself. Our squad did an activity like this before at our Leadership Development Weekend in month two, but it was a whole new experience this time. Last time, I was still knee deep in the lies I couldn’t help but believe for most of my life. I felt awkward speaking these truths over myself and didn’t really believe what I was saying. This day that changed.
The Lord asked me to declare that I am a temple to the Holy Spirit, I delighted in, and I am beloved. He wanted me to speak these truths not only in my mind, but to boldly proclaim them in front of a group of strangers. More than that, He wanted me tobelieve in my heart what I was speaking.
Amwha. My new name.
The Bauble people (the tribe we are living with for the month) give people names based on the day of the week they are born. During one of our first days here, we were each given a new name. It is a symbol of respect and love, and a sign of them welcoming us into their tribe.
After I was given a new name, I felt like the Lord was also using this new name to give me a new identity.
I no longer have to hold on to lies that I have told myself. The Lord is changing my name and my identity. He is showing me where my worth comes from. He is taking me to a place of believing the truth, and not hiding behind lies because they seem more comfortable. He’s helping me believe people when they speak truth because they are not saying it out of obligation. It is not a burden for them. That they are saying things out of love, and they mean what they say.
He is given me a new identity. The Lord says that I am brave, confident, a daughter of El Roi, seen, known, loved, bold, compassionate, and so much more.
