Hey guys! This past month, well four really have been absolutely insane. With my first semester of senior year, all the holidays, and trying to prepare myself for this adventure, I’ve not had any time to sit down and write a new blog post. There is so much that I have on my heart that I want to share with you guys about what the Lord is doing in my life right now, in this season of preparation, but I will try to keep this short and write more often.
I have been so overwhelmed with the love and support I have received from so many of you. I am grateful for every t shirt bought (which you can still get one, if you go to my post about shirts), donation made, and prayer prayed. God has been so faithful throughout all of this journey, and I know he will continue to be.
Like I mentioned this fall semester was crazy busy, and now only getting more and more stressful with edTPA (my certification for teaching) and my last semester of college. And to be completely honest with you all, I have been struggling a lot spiritually. I have been at a place where I am so overwhelmed and stressed out with school that I put my relationship with God on the back burner. I know I shouldn’t admit to it, but I want to be transparent with you all. I had become complacent and very comfortable with not making an effort to grow spiritually. I was not being intentional in praying for my World Race, and not making Jesus a priority in my life. I began to live in this place of overwhelming anxiety and fear for the next chapter of my life. I was struggling and trying to rely on my own strength to get me through. I had tried to take my life into my own hands and control what I thought was best for me. Over and over again, I failed. I failed in staying strong in giving into temptations, I failed in living the life God had called me to live, and I had failed to trust him with the next year of my life. I felt so unworthy of this amazing call God has given me. And to be completely honest with you guys, I was comfortable where I was. I didn’t want to make the effort. I knew that I was not where I should be, and I knew what I needed to do to grow, but I didn’t. I felt trapped in a valley that I had put myself in. I was running away from the one thing that has always been constant in my life.
But, God is good even when we run away. God is good even when we don’t want to grow spiritually. God is good even when we are stubborn and lazy. God is good. God did not move or turn away from me because I choose to TRY to live my life on my own. He did not give up on me because I was having my own pity party. He did not leave me alone even when I ran back to things that I had laid at his feet. God continued to love me even though I was struggling. He continued to show me unending grace, that I do not deserve. He meet me where I was, regardless of how many times I had turned away from him. He reminded me I was loved, and I had a purpose. I now had to choose to walk in it.
If you haven’t heard the new Hillsong United album “Of Dirt and Grace” you should definitely go listen to it. There is a song on there called, “Prince of Peace” and it has spoken volumes to my life recently.
Tearing through the night
Riding on the storm
Staring down the fight
My eyes found Yours
Shining like the sun
Striding through my fear
The Prince of peace
Met me there
You heard my prayer
Hope like the sun, light piercing through the dark
The Prince of peace came and broke into my heart
The violent cross, the empty grave
And in Your light I found grace
God has just been reminding me over and over again that there is more grace. He tore through the night, came through the storm and met me there. He met me in the valley, he saw my fear and my complacency and broke through my hardened heart. He heard my silent prayer. And in that I found his never ending grace and love.
My prayer for this year is to be expectant for God to show up, because I know He will do amazing things when I surrender all control to him. So, I don’t know if you reading this can relate or not, but I pray that this encourages you. In the dept of the valley you are in or where ever you are, God will meet you there and He hears your prayer.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8
“BUT when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, BUT according to his own mercy…” Titus 3:4-5
