Good Morning from Rwanda!
I want to give y’all an update on last month in Uganda and what the Lord taught me through my time there!
First off, I can’t believe that I’m in my fifth month of this crazy, eleven-month journey around the world. Time is flying over here! Second, I want to say thanks again to all of my supporters and prayer warriors. I am continually so thankful for the support God has given me through all of y’all back at home. For real, y’all da best.
Now, back to last month. Our squad got to Uganda Jan. 2nd after an AMAZING 12 hour layover in Houston, TX (shout-out to all my TX pals), where I got to see a couple of my best friends and my grandparents. It was such a wonderful and unexpected gift!
When we finally made it to Kampala, Uganda, my team split from the squad and we went to our ministry: Save Street Children Uganda (SASCU). Our ministry for the month would look like spending the majority of our day at the SASCU orphanage with the kids who have been saved from the streets. Once or twice a week we would do “outreach” where we would go to the slums and hang out with street kids, hear their stories, love on them, and assess if they could come to SASCU. Being with the street kids was definitely the hardest part. We encountered precious children who were living in sewage dumps, pilfering through the waste to find any crumb of food to satisfy their hunger. When that wasn’t sufficient, they turned to sniffing gasoline to get high and hopefully forget about their distended bellies that needed nourishment. As we looked into the glazed over eyes of these kids, my heart broke and I couldn’t breathe. They smelled of urine as they wore the only pair of clothes that they owned. Despair. That’s what I felt.
I’ve experienced this kind of poverty before, sure. I know that we carry the Holy Spirit and the gift of salvation wherever we go, yes. But as I stared into these beautiful, broken, and lifeless faces none of that came to my mind. What came to my mind was: “what am I doing here? I’m this wealthy, American, Mzungu amidst these homeless children and I can’t fix this. I can’t make this go away. This is too vast. My being with them a few times a week doesn’t help.” Those were my thoughts. I was angry and sad and felt I had nothing to offer. I know I’m called to love with the love of Jesus and I know I can do that. But that didn’t stop those theological questions from swirling through my mind and my pleading for Jesus to come back already and finally take all this pain away.
Thankfully, we also got to experience the hope and the change that happens when Jesus comes on the scene. When we got to play with, teach, and love on the kids at SASCU who have been rescued from the street life, we saw hope. These kids receive education, food, and love. They dream about their futures now. They once had hopeless and dreamless lives, but now that has all changed. Praise to the Lord for this beacon of hope amidst so much surrounding darkness.
So, there was joy and there was sorrow. There was laughter and there was pain. I got a parasite from a weekend trip we took to western, Uganda and that took me out of ministry for most of our second week there. Again, I asked “why? God where are you in this? I’m trying to cling to your truth and see the hope, but right now, I don’t. I see rampant evil. I’m sick and I can’t fix this. We leave in 2 weeks and the poverty is still there.” I felt so burdened as I carried the weight of these kids and myself. I was exhausted emotionally and physically for the second half of that month and felt like I had nothing left to give my team or those kids.
Day by day I had to make a choice. Am I going to fight and choose Truth? Or am I going to give up and watch this month pass on by? Trust me, there were days that I couldn’t love well like I wanted. I couldn’t fix things. But, I was going to choose to believe that even though I couldn’t see “what God wants to teach me” right then, that doesn’t change the fact that He is still good. He is still faithful. He is still worthy of praise. When life is hard and there are questions I can’t seem to justify, He is still God. I have seen His faithfulness and therefore, I know He is the safest place to run to with all these feelings. He is trustworthy.
The month rolled on and as we had to say goodbye to the kids at SASCU and head to Jinja for debrief with our squad, I saw His faithfulness. We built relationships with those kids. We saw them grow. We learned from their love. God was so present; even when I might have missed it at times.
What awaited us at debrief would lead to more tiredness as we would experience a lot of change and also unexpected things would come our way. We would experience our first team change and leadership role changes. One of my best friends on the Race unexpectedly left to return home during this debrief. That was the hardest thing yet. The weight was heavy. I was carrying the weight of a new team, a new leadership role, a dear friend leaving, the poverty and problems in Uganda, and my burned-out self.
And let me tell you, those were a lot of burdens that I had no right to be carrying.
One night at debrief during a session, we listened to this song called, “Lay It All Down” by Will Reagan & United Pursuit (go check out their new album- it is so dang good) and the loving Father just spoke so clearly to me. He told me to lay all my burdens down at the feet of Jesus. He told me that He never asked me to carry all of those things. He never asked me to fix all of the poverty and pain; because I can’t. I can’t do anything apart from Him. Now that I felt like I was at the end of myself, He said, “Good. Now I can step in and do what I’m so good at doing. Let me carry your burdens. Let me love you. Receive my refreshment. Receive my grace. This is why I died for you, Courtney.”
Wow. I cried a lot those couple of days that’s for sure. Jesus just lavished His perfect love all over me and showed me His grace and faithfulness. When I stopped trying to do things on my own strength I could leave room for Jesus to move. So easily I can walk this life not relying completely on the Lord. And that is not what He designed. He wants me to give myself over to Him daily and let HIM love THROUGH me. My own love is cheap. The love of the Holy Spirit is perfect. So I don’t want control. I don’t want to try and do this alone. I can’t. HE can and He LOVES to. Praise the Lord that I have the Holy Spirit to walk moment by moment with, showing me how to love and love like Jesus.
Yes and Amen. That’s all I could say after that crazy month… “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And I learned that big time this past month.
So now, here I am in Rwanda with a new team and a new perspective. I am excited to see how God will continue to take control and how His Spirit will guide us to share the Gospel that changed our lives. I want to walk in communion with the Father every day, because man it is so sweet.
Month 5, let’s do this.
Love y’all tons and I hope that the Lord is showing you how to walk in abandon to Him and how to just sit and let Him love you. Cause it’s awesome 🙂
Xoxo,
Court
P.S. The new Will Reagan & United Pursuit album is called: “Tell All My Friends”. If you listen to that album I’m telling you, you will have such a sweet encounter with the Lord.
