Going into my third blog, I thought long and hard on what to write. I sorted through several topics that came to mind. I even came up with some seemingly cool blog titles. Nevertheless, I decided to write about an email I received almost a month ago.
Reason? Because every day, while I shuffle through the doubts and confusion, God has been confirming to me through emails, comments, my amazing SQUAD, and support team that this is what He has for me to do.
Before I go into the email. I have to be completely honest. I spoke about this briefly in my last blog about how God was challenging me to abandon my dreams and goals to pursue His. I am still struggling with letting God take full control of my life.
Ok, can I be super honest? I am freaking out!
Thoughts of packing, fundraising, and leaving home have sent me into panic mode over the past couple of months. I mean, how am I going to pack my whole life for an 11 month journey? How am I going to raise $17,417 by January? And how am I going to leave my home behind?
Just two weeks ago, I was presented with another route called the “10/40 Window” which gears to bring the Gospel to people who have never heard it before in some of the most darkest places of the world. Awesome…but Yikes!
God is this your will for me?
I have been seeking counsel from my squad mates, family and even other blog posts. I have been reading my Bible to confirm that the decision I made aligns. I’ve also been praying like crazy. There are times throughout the day that I feel His peace about it. Then there are days, I don’t feel peace at all. About the whole trip! I’ve been looking for signs, that have led me to believe that the route that I am on now, is the one…but I still have doubts. I have uneasiness about the race now because I feel like maybe I am not doing the right route.
Maybe God doesn’t want me to just go and love on orphans right now. Maybe God doesn’t want me to help children and women who are involved in human trafficking. Maybe I was meant to bring the Gospel somewhere else. Physically and spiritually I am stuck right now. Then, I think it could be a distraction to get me off course!
Here’s the thing. God LOVES what I am about to do! God loves all of it! His heart is FOR what I am doing. For the past 2 weeks, I have been stuck in “analysis paralysis,” trying to decipher what God’s perfect plan is for my life. Right now, I don’t know. I do know that God gives us choices. He allows us to make those choices based on our love and faith in Him. Sometimes we don’t always make the best choice but I believe that as long as your heart is aligned with His, He will be pleased with you.
I struggle with believing that God is pleased with me. I always doubt myself hence why I am so indecisive. I think what God is teaching me through this is to actually make a decision, to keep pushing forward, to enjoy the process, and to TRUST HIM through it.
I was reminded of an email I received from a young woman who was conflicted in going on the race. She was so inspired by my blog and believed it was CONFIRMATION from God, that she made a decision to apply to The World Race! This was my response.
Oh my gosh that is amazing! I am so thankful that God was able to use this blog to confirm this to you. I’ve been feeling a little discouraged myself and this just confirmed to me again that this is where God wants me. Man, God is so cool!
Trust me, I wrestled with it to the point that I literally was arguing with God. The day I finally surrendered, there was peace. Yes, I had my doubts and fears still buzzing in the background but the certainty I felt drowned them out. “Sam”, can I just say, I have received so much support since I made this decision…
YOU WILL GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED !
When you face the most adversity, that’s when you know you’re supposed to do it. Everything in me resisted the idea of leaving my job, my family, my friends, my church, my dreams, my goals for the sake of the Gospel, because… well, it doesn’t make sense! Do you see the paradox, though? Leaving everything for the sake of the Gospel (which is the real treasure).
Isn’t that what the disciples did? Isn’t that what most of the historical figures of the Bible did like Noah, Abraham, Moses, Elijah, and even Jonah (who resisted God’s calling until he ended up in the stomach of a fish). They left everything because they had an encounter with the living God! Girl, God is calling us out to be set apart from the things that distract us from His will so that we can take part in the bigger picture: His Kingdom. What incredible grace He has for us, even when we run away from Him?
Every day, I ask God (no seriously) every day I ask him to confirm this trip. And He does! Through a donation or a comment on my blog, or an email from a reader as yourself =). So I encourage you to do the same!
Can I also just say? I am still struggling with some personal things in my life. Things that I haven’t been able to let go of . I would so love to be healed from these things before I go on this trip, but I am waiting…waiting eagerly for God to do something incredible in my life.
This is going to be an experience of a lifetime and God is going to honor you for serving Him. I always think of that verse “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” I want to stand before God and hear Him say that to me. Ahhh what a day that will be!
Praying for you girl!
Pretty cool, right? I may have answered my own doubts.
I asked him again this week if The World Race is what He wants me to do.
God, are you sure you want me to do this?
“Yes.”
“Wait. What God?”
“Yes.”
There’s the sweet gentle whisper again. Yes. God not only wants me to go on the World Race, but He is providing and preparing the way for me to go. No matter where He takes me, whether it is the 10/40 Route or the January 2 Route, He will always be with me.My mom said it like this “Christa, God just wanted you to say yes to this mission’s trip. I think God is letting you choose the route, because either one will honor him.” Ahhhh relief. Peace. I LOVE MY MOM!
As I mentioned, God has been confirming in little ways that I am supposed to do The World Race, and to do this route. My heart is for children and seeing them come to know Christ love. My heart is to see children and women rescued from human trafficking. Ugh, the tears are welling ( Told you I’m a cry baby).
Just re-reading my own words has reaffirmed this for me again. Life during these 11 months is going to be…well…DIFFERENT. Like nothing I’ve experienced. BUT IT WILL BE THE MOST AMAZING, UNFORGETTABLE ADVENTURE I’VE EVER BEEN ON. I am freaking out still, but I am looking forward to what God has in store.
I am still struggling through some anxiety. Seriously, have lost some nights of sleep contemplating where God wants me. My stomach has been in knots. Please continue to pray that God will give me peace, even in the midst of doubt. Pray that I will trust God and that I will release the anxiety to Him. Most importantly, pray that I would experience His love and know for certain that God is not displeased with me.
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT THUS FAR! YOU GUYS ROCK!
