“I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, You are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:9-10.
There are pivotal moments in my life when I look back and remember key times when I took a leap of faith, big or small, and said yes.
I’ve said yes to God about going and about staying, about speaking and about listening, about pursuing and about being still.
Four weeks ago today, I said yes to coming back out on the Race. It was a big, shocking, faith-filled yes. On one hand, it was difficult and painful, and on the other hand, extremely easy and peaceful.
I had six days to assemble my belongings into a 60 liter backpack, tell all my closest people of my plans, and get to Launch to meet the strangers who I’d be spending the rest of 2018 with.
Honestly, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. God told me to do a hard thing and I did it. (Sound familiar?)
I arrived at Launch, still all content with my yes. Go me! I did it! God called and I surrendered! I’m awesome and obedient!
I hardly had time to get over the newness of it all when then there was a moment in worship when God said, “Casey, are you willing to give me ALL of your heart?”
I stood for a second confused, and then frustrated. “Uh, I thought I already did that!” my little self said and before I even realized that’s where my heart was at, all the thoughts came like a flood.
“Wasn’t my yes from last week enough? Or what about my first yes to going on the race last year? Or all the yeses I gave when things got hard and complicated — weren’t those yeses enough? God, what more do you want from me? How could you want more from me? What else could you possibly ask for?”
As we prepared to leave America, I still was wrestling with God about it. We left launch and went straight to the Camino de Santiago, a beautiful pilgrimage following the journey of Saint James through northern Spain. Overall, the pilgrimage is a 500-mile journey that takes a couple months to complete. However, our team was walking an 100 mile stretch in about a week, walking about 15-18 miles every day.
For a few days, I focused on the Camino, building relationships with my team, physically walking miles upon miles a day, finding an albergue (hostel) to stay in, trying to not get bed bugs, etc. and tried to put this question of God asking for all of my heart to the side.
Except every morning on the Camino, God brought to mind an analogy.
What if I would have woken up, gotten dressed and packed, ready for the day, taken the first step out of the albergue and then never walked the daily route to the next town? Would that initial yes of saying that I was committed to walking the Camino have held any weight?
Taking the first step is futile if you don’t take a step after that. And another, and another. And then again. Although the first step is critical, at the end of the day, it’s still simply the first step.
The point is, God loves when we give a big, heartfelt Yes to what He calls us to. But the kingdom of God is not one big yes that we ride off of for the rest of our lives. He also wants a small, constant, genuine yes from us every day.
For me, this season on the race isn’t only about me embracing my first step, or God reteaching me what He taught me last year or last week, but also THIS step, and what He has for me NOW.
Amazingly and beyond my comprehension, God constantly has more for me. I will never run out of ways to understand and see His love and grace and power and truth in my life and in this world. And while clinging to words that He’s given me in my past is beautiful and good, He has promises, words, truth and grace for me in this step, in this season, in this place.
As I venture into this new season, I feel like a verse that He’s given me to cling to is Matthew 9:13:
“Go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I didn’t come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
As we end our first two weeks on the field and in Spain, I’m excited and expectant to do just that: learn what God desiring mercy means, and to see how He will teach me that. And for now, I’m believing that He has goodness in each and every step along the way.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” – MLK JR
If you would like to partner with me on this journey through prayer or financial support, it would mean the world. To follow along – subscribe to my blog, add me on Facebook/Instagram, and/or email me at [email protected]. To donate and help me raise $4,400 for this trip, click here.
Thanks again, and all my love.
Ace
