Blog about Sept. 27th
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My plan for this evening was to go over my LWD presentation rough draft with my squad leader. The Lord had a different plan, a better plan. Instead of dedicating the evening to LDW preparation, it was meant for me. It was an unplanned inner healing session.
I opened up to my squad leader about being absolutely terrified to share my presentation with my squad. One reason was because I strongly dislike public speaking, but the main reason was because I didn’t feel adequate to present to 45 Christians.
My squad leader didn’t let Satan win this victory in my mind and heart. Instead, she asked me clarifying questions which led to her, being filled with the Holy Spirit, to speak God’s truth into my life.
She asked me why I felt inadequate. I dancing around the question for awhile until I gave up. I was tired, so tired of hiding and suppressing the shame Satan was polluting my mind and heart with. I hit rock bottom. That’s when I finally said, “I believe I have weak faith”.
Tears formed in my eyes.
I didn’t understand why leadership asked me to present for LDW because in my eyes I was the Racer who had the weakest faith in the squad. I had limited Biblical knowledge, I had little interaction with the Holy Spirit, I had no experience in discipleship, and the list goes on and on.
Satan had me right where he wanted me.
This was when my squad leader asked me to pray.
I thought this was a great idea. So I bowed my head. We sat in silence because whenever I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Instead of making something up and just saying words to do what my squad leader asked me to do, I whispered, “I don’t know how to pray”.
I felt my mask of being the perfect Christian being removed from my face. I was afraid to see my squad leader’s reaction to my statement. I didn’t want anyone to know that I didn’t know how to pray, that I struggled with trusting God, that I questioned my faith, and that I had doubts about God. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had weak faith.
Tears poured from my eyes.
I needed help. I needed help to stop giving power to Satan. He was controlling my life and I didn’t want to continue to live my life under his authority.
My squad leader helped me by leading me in a “repeat after me” prayer. I called Satan out of my life. I told him that he no longer had control over my mind, heart, and faith. I asked God to help me banish Satan when he tries to tell me lies in the future. And I thanked God for my faith, my unique and strong faith.
I FELT FREE!
Freedom came from vocalizing my beliefs about my faith, demanding Satan out of my life, and praising God! Satan’s lies were no longer buried deep within my soul. His lies were the shackles that bound my hands and feet together and weighed me down, and God broke me out of the prison Satan put me in.
Since my prison break last month Satan has been persistent and determined to put me back in his prison. He has been able to capture me a few times through his lies, but God has rescued me with His truth through scripture and encouragement from my teammates.
It is crucial for us to be prepared and ready to fight off Satan. I have learned that I need daily reminders that Satan has absolutely no chance at winning victory because God has already won the victory. My daily reminders have been reading the Bible verses written around our apartment, sharing with my team when I start to believe Satan’s lies, and reminding Satan he lost the victory over my life.
I would greatly appreciate prayers against Satan’s future plans on attacking my faith. Thank you.
“Daughter, he said to her, your faith has made you well. Go in peace.” -Luke 9:48
