Have you ever been asked to do something that you honestly, truly, completely, 100% do not want to do?
The thought alone makes you cringe and everything in your mind tells you that you don’t want to do it?
Ever have that problem?
I’m sure a list has shot off in your head of all the things you didn’t want to do but have been asked to…
This is life folks..
Being asked to do what you don’t want to do.
This is life.
A few weeks my team entered into month 5 on the race.
You’re probably wondering what is so significant about that?
Well, you see, month 5 means change.
It means you’re half way finished.
It means your life on the race isn’t just fun and games. You are really, honestly, truly, completely, 100% living in some of the poorest areas of the world.
Month 5 is when you realize this is your life and you must either endure it or embrace it.
The choice is yours.
Enduring the race looks a lot like living except you’re not.
You wake up, get ready for the day, go tell people about Jesus, come home, sit through team time, go to bed, and do it all over again.
All the while waiting for the days to end, the months to draw to a close because that means you are one step closer to being home.
Being home, where you can eat whatever you want whenever you want.
Being home, where ac isn’t optional instead it’s a way of life.
Being home, where you get to do whatever you want whenever you want.
Enduring the race looks a lot like living except you’re wishing you were somewhere else. You’re longing for the future while trying to be presently present.
Enduring the race makes you miss home much more. Enduring- you don’t actually want to be here but you’ve been asked to so you do it.
Embracing the race looks a lot like living because it is.
You wake up drenched in sweat choosing to say yes. Yes to whatever the day brings.
If that’s living in a village with no running water, no store in a 10 mile radius, no electricity, you say yes. You pick up your head, move your feet and you say yes.
If that’s spending all day waiting for food, waiting for water, waiting for a ride, you say yes. You pick up your head, move your feet and you say yes.
If that’s spending all day in the African sun, covered in sweat, telling people about Jesus, you say yes. You pick up your head, move your feet and you say yes.
Embracing the race is the hardest thing to do.
Why?
Because you’re saying yes to something your flesh is telling you to say no to.
Because embracing the race means letting go of who you are and picking up someone new, someone different, someone better.
And this, this is not easy.
Month 5 has brought change.
Change I didn’t like.
It brought me a team with all new people on it.
New routines I must learn.
New habits from unfamiliar faces.
New team dynamics.
A few weeks ago I was asked a question, one I knew was coming and really wanted to avoid.
It was something I knew I needed to say yes to even though I didn’t want to.
Each team is lead by one person. This person is responsible for the team. They are the one that people come to for answers. The one that initiates the hard conversations. They are responsible for leading their team well. They set the tone for their team. They are the team’s leader.
A few weeks ago I was asked to lead a team.
Something, from the very start of the race, I wanted to avoid. Last month Jesus would mention team leading from time to time and every time I avoided it like the plaque. Simply because it was something I did not want to do. I didn’t pray about it because I knew what He was going to ask of me and I didn’t want it.
But this is life, being asked to do things we don’t want to do and doing them anyway.
I could no longer run from this question. I had to give an answer.
I kneeled before Jesus and cried, wept actually, and told Him I didn’t want this. He said, “I know but I want this for you.”
I am a person who really doesn’t enjoy doing things I don’t want to do.
But I’m also a person who is obedient when her Father asks her to do things.
So even in all of my humanness and resistance I said yes. I picked up my head, moved my feet and said yes.
You’re probably wondering why I didn’t want to team lead.
To be honest, I’m selfish. I’m lazy. I’m human.
I wanted this year to be about me, about my growth. I didn’t want to be responsible for other people. The last 3 years have been filled with leading people, caring about them, giving all of myself for the sake of other’s growth and I really wanted a year of being in the backseat, not having to lead. I wanted, for the first time in my life, to be a follower.
It sounds weird, I know.
Most people love leading because it means control but for me it’s responsibility. It’s giving and giving and giving of all that you have. It’s putting others above yourself. It’s caring deeply for the ones you lead and shepherding them well. It’s a lot.
But Jesus, in all of His sweetness had to reminded that I, Andy Ramirez, am not a backseat kind of girl. I’m the leader of the pack.
This is who I am and I’m learning to embrace it not just endure it.
I am Andy Ramirez and I am leader.
I am picking up my head, moving my feet and saying yes.
