Perfectly Imperfect
As we know God is perfect. Everything about Him is perfect because HE is the author of perfection. He created a perfect world, yet we messed it up with our disobedience. Therefore, are separated form our perfect God.
Why do I try so hard to be perfect? Why is it so difficult for me to accept that I am not perfect and never will be perfect? Can’t I just do something perfectly right sometimes?
My mom wrote me quite a few letters to take with me on the Race in order to have some encouragement and a touch of home while being gone for 11 months. I opened one of the letters and what I found that it related so much to what I was going through. Here’s what it said:
“Dear Andrew,
Since childhood you have been a perfectionist. You always wanted to do everything just right and have no mistakes. At age 1 your socks and shoes had to be just right. Look right, feel right. Sometimes we would have to take your shoes and socks off and put them on again 7 or 8 times until they were just right. I have a vivid memory of you learning to walk up and down steps at age 2. You would start at the top step and work your way down. If you so much as stubbed your toe, not even fall, just stub, and in frustration you would go back up to the top to start again. You would not give it up until you got it perfect….”
My mind was blown! Seriously ever since I was born this perfectionism was in me. It was something that constantly told me, “you have to do it perfect.”
Over the course of our debrief I was praying about this specific piece of my identity that was so ingrained in me. Simply put, the Lord spoke into that saying,
“Your perfectionism is my work in you. Your mistakes are your work in you. Keep letting me and not letting you!”
What? Did I hear that correctly?
It brought me to tears and touched my heart! I realized my whole life that I credited the perfect things that I have done to myself instead of GOD! The perfect things that have happened in my life are not of myself, they were God’s perfection working in me!
I immediately repented for believing the lie that I was doing things perfect my whole life. Whether it was the time I made it down the stairs as a two year old not stubbing my toe or the time I got a perfect score on a geography test in 7th grade. It was so linked to my identity that I didn’t realize the lie I was believing until God spoke into it.
The reality is I am so far from perfect. I make mistakes and that is the real Andrew. I hurt people, I deliberately disobey and harbor things for way longer than I should. Yet, GOD in HIS perfection would choose to do a work in me and show me that He was with me even from the time I was a year old and my mom putting my sock and shows on.
In conclusion GOD has shown me I need to strive for perfection and excellence because that is His character. I can’t expect to do it write all the time and I will make mistakes. However, pursuing the perfect character of the Lord is what I am after and what a testimony to HIS goodness when HE does something perfect in us and through us! So, I am convinced I am perfectly imperfect because I have a perfect God who lives inside of me and who does perfect things in and through me that my imperfection could never do.
Answers to Prayer!
*I know it has been awhile since I have posted this but want to encourage those who did pray for these things specifically.
Prayer #1: I bent my knee in the wrong direction skiing with our contact here in Kazakhstan. Pray for a fast recovery and for no long-term damage. I’ve been trying to rest and ice it and the swelling is going down already.
Answer #1: See Blog Experiencing the Healer!
Prayer# 2: Continue what the Lord has going here. There is ministries under the radar with English and some people have been spreading the rumor that it is cult. Please pray for the devil not to have any type of foothold here and that the Truth would win out.
Answer #2: I have not heard of any answers to prayers in this area. However, the missionaries in Kazakhstan and working hard and loving the students so well. If you think of them please continue to pray for the Truth to win out in Kazakhstan.
Prayer #3: Josiah and Gulzhan who are working so hard to love students here. They need energy, wisdom and strength.
Answer #3: They are taking things one day at a time but seeing student know and grow in Christ. They are also pouring into young Kazakh believers who as leading the ministry and have a heart for other students to know Jesus too!
Prayer #4: Our team to continue to be unified and to take steps together towards growth and maturity in Christ. Sometimes it feels like as we take steps together the devil tries hard to fight back.
Answer #4: We have seen this be answered in many ways. As I was reading recently from some of the training materials from the beginning of the race, “Tension is a catalyst for change, growth, and intimacy.” We have gone through out tension as a team, but after this debrief and allowing the Lord to refocus our thoughts and take ownership on the things we fall short on, the Lord has brought incredible redemption and restoration in our lives with each other. The devil tries hard, yet the Lord brings truth, love, and light in to the difficult situations. Its been really cool to see my team grow so much individually and collectively over these last 5 days. I am so thankful for each one of them and the process the Lord has taken them through.
I hope these encourage you as you continue to pray with me through these last two months of the Race!
New Prayer Requests:
1. Prayers for motivation and strength through the finish line at the end of June.
2. Team unity and if there is team changes we will be able to continue to challenge each other towards excellence?
3. Deeper intimacy with the Lord as I look to seek His will in all I do.
4. God to move incredibly through Mongolia and China wherever we are and whatever we are doing.
Thanks for prayer for my team and for me specifically. If you have any words and encouragement please comment or send me a message, I would love to hear from you!
