After the Camino, we arrived in Mijas, Spain for a 5 day debrief with my squad. I admit I have been a little behind in the whole blog writing thing. Life has been interesting since debrief as I have learned a lot about myself and how I operate. I really feel like a new person.
I have found that debriefing what has happened over the last 2 months has been more difficult then actually being out and about in the countries. I have been praying and thinking on the question “Why is debriefing so hard?” The answer I have been getting is this:
Debrief creates time to reflect. It forces me to take a step back and look deep into myself and how I am doing, how I am feeling, how I am hurting. When I spend myself day in and day out and have no place to recharge, I find myself storing up a lot of emotions and hurts… Debrief is the place where they have come out and therefore, why it is so hard.
I have learned how I tend to bottle up frustrations and play it off as if it’s not a big deal. I find myself holding on to things that hurt and it ultimately effects those closest to me, which currently is my team. For me, debrief revealed to me how I have been running to other people to be my source of fulfillment, instead of God and my team. I enjoy being able to encourage those around me in their faith and with the Good News, however, part of me has neglected ministering to my team.
It wasn’t until our coach Derek spoke to me at debrief saying, “You will always have the pour among you. If it comes down to choosing others on the street and your team, pick your team.”
WOW, that hit my heart. I hurt. My initial feelings were, “What about that guy on the street who doesn’t know Jesus?!? What about those who don’t know where they are going when they die?!? What about those who have never even thought of the abundant life God has for us?!?” Inside I continued to wrestled with myself, “At least my team knows where they will be when they die. Why do I have to pour into them?” God spoke to me in that moment, “Because they are your family.”
Convicted and hurting more. Tears come to my face because of the realization that I haven’t just rejected my team here on the race, I have rejected my family for the man on the street 100% of the time.
My natural tendency is to run towards places that bring me joy. When I see someones life change completely because of the love of God, there is something in me that allows me to experience incredible joy! So naturally, it is easiest to run to the places I have felt the most joy. Yet in our families there is always hurts, frustrations, uncomfortable conversations, and difficult choices. Family is hard.
Loving someone I don’t know seems easy. I know God’s grace is big enough for them, yet often times the hardest people to show grace and love to is my own family. I look at my own judgement and how I have all the forgiveness in the world towards those who are not in my family. Yet when it comes to those who are in my family, I see their faults and see their flaws yet I often times judge them a lot harder.
My heart grasped all of this over debrief. My time there was majorly convicting and yet so life transforming. Because I realized that my Family comes first! Currently, my team is what needs my prayers, my love, my encouragement and my focus. And when we are all able and filled, we will be able to reach out that person on the street.
At the end of debrief I felt so cleansed and clean. I was fresh and new even though debrief was not restful. I realized the work the Lord wanted to do in me was to break down the walls and barriers I didn’t even know I had up. Because of the things I learned I am now walking in more freedom and love that I have ever have in my life.
(Photo: Mijas, Spain- end of debrief on a mountain overlooking the ocean)
We are currently in Morocco. We have been for 9 days now. Within the two days we all got incredibly sick. We had diarrhea to the max and everyones stomachs were hurting. We realized we broke the #1 rule in going overseas… Don’t eat the street food.
What I saw from this sickness, was how we all cared for one another. We made it a priority to love and serve one another and to rest. A week later and we are almost all the way back to health. We have spent a week in prayer asking God what He has for us here and for the city.
Morocco is a whole different animal than anything else. We can not openly have conversations about God. Often building relationships and loving people is what is going to draw them into want to know more. I have been waking up at 6:18am every morning here to pray for the city. I am at a place where I know I can do nothing to reach anyone with the Good News. However, the Lord can move powerfully to let walls fall down, to let breakthrough come, and for light to shine in the darkest of places.
Currently, I’m now back to normal and excited to meet and build relationships with these Moroccan people. Jacob and I went out the other day and met 3 university students our age that live right next to us. We will see what happens with these relationships as time goes on. I have also been playing soccer with some young kids in our court yard which has been a blessing.
Answers to previous prayer requests:
Prayer #1: We have our first debrief in Mijas, Spain on the 24th of September. We will be able to have time to process more of what has happened from the past 2 months of ministry. Pray that it would be a time to be reunified as a group. That my team would be refreshed and on the same page as we head to Morocco.
Answer #1: Holy Cow!! I can’t believe I wrote that prayer request because that is exactly what happened. For me the process was a lot harder than I thought. A lot of intentional conversations that lasted over 6 hours. We had to take breaks and bring up frustrations and hurts from each other. We got to ask and extend forgiveness and step into a renewed team. I believe we all all refreshed even though debrief was exhausting. We even decided to change our team name and our create new values as a team. We have experienced transformation together and are a completely new team stepping into Morocco!
Prayer#2. God would continue to use me even now as our ministry on the Camino is coming to an end. Whether its to minister to my team, those around me that I have met, or those I haven’t even met yet.
Answer #2: At the end of the Camino we got to pray over Julia- one we met on day #2 of the Camino. It was incredible to hear her testimony of blessing from the Lord. She was saying, “If it wasn’t for your prayer of blessing over me I wouldn’t have made it that fast.” I was amazed by that. I have had a lot of time to spend with my team and hear and encourage them. It was a good end of the month and the time in Mijas for debrief was great for ministry towards our team and other squadmates.
3. For my teammate Megan, her dad died a couple days ago now and she ended up flying home to be with him. Pray for the family and for wisdom to know if she should come back out and join the team or not.
Answer#3: Megan is back on the field. She spoke at her Dad’s funeral. I have not talked to her since she has been back, but she is currently with her team now in another part of Morocco.
4. Endurance and to keep my eyes focused on Christ. To continue to press in to the gifts the Lord has given me and to grow in knowledge and faith daily.
Answer #4: This is an ongoing process. I have really been asking God to show me more and He has been revealing more. As I learn to take time to be with Him and sit and hear His voice I have seen a lot of what He is doing in me and through me. Doubts have been removed and faith has replaced it. I’m thankful for this prayer and excited to see more of what God has for me as I keep my eyes on Him.
Thank you for your prayers, It is cool to look back and see how He answered it. Please let me know if you have questions. I’m always open for an email: [email protected]
I may not respond right away but as I have wifi and time I will.
New Prayer Requests:
1. My team and full health. Lauren has been the most sick. Melanie’s foot has been hurting the last couple of days even though it has been better over the last week before. My stomach is still fighting and so are the others. Physical health for the team would be great!
2. People to love and serve here. How to show honor to a country who really values honor. People to ask questions and be curious about our faith. And for the Lord to move in miraculous ways here in Fes and the rest of Morocco.
3. Miraculous gift of speaking and understanding Arabic for our team. Or even to find people who can understand us and want to know more. Some team members have a desire to learn the language and maybe this can be a start of something big.
4. For me and hearing the voice of the Lord more clearly. I want to be able to grasp more of what He is doing here and how to partner with Him in this country.
5. Team would continue this lifestyle of being a family with open and honest conversation and genuine love for each other.
