Learning to be filled by God alone is something that has always been a challenge for me. The Lord has always been a part of my life, from the time I was a little girl when I accepted Him as my Savior. There definitely have been seasons where He has felt far away and seasons where I can feel His presence everyday. And that is the joy in growth! God is so good and faithful that even though we will never reach perfection, He celebrates each season we go through as we walk towards Him.
This month Andy and I have been working apart from each other, in different ministries and different parts of Peru. What the world race calls “manistry”. Since the beginning of the race I knew this month was coming, and I was not looking forward to it and assumed I would want this month to go by so fast so that we could be together again at the end. Andy as been one of the only constants this year since we change foods, cultures, beds, countries, teams, and ministries each month. The thought of not having him scared me!
As this month has played out though, I have realized how much I find fulfillment in Andy, or my family, or friends back home, or even friendships I have developed on the race. How when those things are taken away, there is an open place for me to be fulfilled by the Lord instead. And not just in difficult times. This month we have lived in an amazing place with warm showers, comfy beds, good food, nearby the ocean, and been working with incredible people. Instead of finding comfort in people or comfortable living, God has been teaching me how to find comfort and fulfillment in Him alone. That in reality, my Heavenly Father is really the only constant in my life and that is far better than anything the world has to offer!
As I reflect back on not only this last year, but farther back in my life I see how God has always been present. How even when I turned to people or other things for comfort, He chose me. He walked alongside me with each decision that led me to where I am today and I know He will continue to guide me as we make decisions for our future. All He wants in return is a relationship with Him. How amazing is that?! The God of all creation offers me a life full of His grace and peace and love and in return He asks for a relationship with Him -that I choose each day to be fulfilled by Him. And the love that He fills me with each days can not only fill me up, but overflow into all those around me.
So as we are all making plans and dreaming about what comes after the race, I have no idea what comes next. I know that my Father is walking next to me, that he gave me the best husband to do life with, and a heart to serve Him. I don’t need a big house or job or the perfect plan or specific goals. My desire is to serve Him, to love people well, to be a kind person, to be a good wife, daughter, sister, friend, and to above all else seek out His glory each day. To see the beauty and appreciate it and see the hurting and pain and see Him working in it all. I must trust that He has it all in His hands.
“In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavishes upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.”
Ephesians 1:7-10
