Walking through the slums of Nepal can bring forth many emotions such as sadness or unbelief but today as we were there I felt more confusion than any other emotion. Even as I write that I realized that probably isn’t what I should say but that is honestly how I feel even now thinking about the day. Confusion as to how life can be so drastically different for people simply based off of where they were born and what family they were born into. How the kids here struggle to simply survive and how I have been blessed with far more than I will ever need.
As we walk down the road to a tiny little room they use for ministry we find a few little kids to play with, sing songs, and give candy to. They are so excited to see us at first but it quickly turns into a place where they are pushing each other aside to get candy or to get attention from one of us. Their instinct to survive and get the affection they crave overpowers anything else. As we turn to leave and say good bye, I look back and see their dirty torn clothes and the sad look in their eyes and wonder what impact we actually had in the small hour we spent with them.
We continue to walk down the road to go catch the public bus back to our house and I look at the houses (if you can call them that) and the people we walk past and wonder why God has even brought us here. These people need far more than I could ever give them. For us it was one afternoon of seeing brokenness. For them, it is their reality.
How do I see these things and meet these people and then just move on? Go back to our house to eat dinner and go to bed like any other day as if what I just experienced didn’t affect me? Impossible. God didn’t bring me all the way through India and now in Nepal to not teach me anything. These are His people. I prayed and asked Him to show me His heart and again that is exactly what He is doing. I can’t say that it is an easy ride.
Most ministry days what I see breaks my heart. I leave feeling as though there is so much need and I am so small to even begin to fill it. But then God reminds me that it is not my job. He didn’t create me to fulfill all the needs of His people. He created me with a heart of compassion to follow His will and listen to His voice, to go and love His people with all I have and then let Him do the rest. In reality, God doesn’t need me to be here, to see this – but He invited me to come alongside what He is already doing! He is rescuing orphans through the ministry we are working with and my job in this moment is not to save the world but to trust that He is. I can rejoice in knowing that His love is far greater than mine and He knows these hurting people far more than I ever could. All He asks of me is to use the love that He has given me to love those around me, wherever that may be. Whether in the slums of Kathmandu Nepal, an orphanage in India, or an eye clinic in Spokane, I can know that He has given me all I need to share His love and let Him do the rest.
