A couple weeks late, but here are my answers to (some of) the questions you guys asked!!!
- How have you seen yourself change these past five and a half months?
Oh man, this question! How do I even begin to answer? I feel like I have changed in a lot of ways in these past 5 & ½ months, but here are the three biggest ones.
First, I’ve seen a lot of change in where I find my identity. I believe that God has been working on this for much longer than I can even imagine, but being on the Race has really highlighted this area of my life. I realized when I was trying to type out my response to this that it honestly warrants its own blog because there’s so much that goes into it. ICYMI, here’s where you can catch up.
Secondly, I have become much less attached to set plans and/or schedules. Before the Race, one of my biggest pet peeves was when I would make plans with friends & they would cancel on me. It didn’t matter how good the excuse was, or how real the interruption, every time it happened I felt like it was just another example of my fundamental failure to be enough for that person (aka: problems with identity; see above paragraph for further explanation). It was so frustrating to me that I would put time and effort into making a plan, just to have it implode and leave me at square one. Leave it to God to place me in an environment where things rarely ever work out as they were originally planned. The World Race has shown me that to live a missional life it is CRUCIAL to be open handed, ready for any ‘interruption’ the Lord may throw your way. God doesn’t do anything by accident. So even in our failed plans, he has a purpose and a lesson for us. We may not see it immediately, but He promises it’s there. Often times our lives will seem like windy roads, not going where they are supposed to. But when you look back, it’s easy to see that God was making the path straight for you the entire time. His plans are always, always the best ones.
Lastly, I have seen my love for evangelism EXPLODE. Before the Race, I would tell people about Jesus & what he was doing in my life, but it was always with a nervous timidity of poor perception or rejection. I tried to speak about Jesus in the least offensive, most open, tolerant way possible. Sometimes I would compromise my convictions, just to seem more inclusive. My first month on the Race, two people that were in my community of friends passed away unexpectedly. One of them I had hung out with the night before I left for launch. We had talked about God & why I was going on the Race, but the conversation ended abruptly when he spoke with the smallest bit of disagreement. I felt the nudge to continue the conversation but ignored it. I was, and still am, heartbroken about that night. Every single person that we encounter has a soul, and God is desperately pursuing it. More often than not he will use YOU & ME for that exact purpose. In every person, there is an eternity at stake. That’s what matters. I am convinced of that now & am determined not to let any more opportunities pass me by.
- What are some things that you’re still looking forward to in these next five and half?
I am so expectant for these next months. I’ve seen the Lord do so much in this first half of the Race, not only in my personal growth, but also with ministry in general, so I can’t imagine all the things that He will do in the future.
To get specific, I am LOVING Africa so far. It is so peaceful here. The way of life is so relaxed. The people have an obvious love for the Lord that is contagious. So, I’m expectant that these months will bring refreshment and joy that will launch me into the last 4 months.
Also, I am probably too excited for South America. It has always been a dream of mine to be able to minister to people in their native language, and I really believe that I will be able to do that in Spanish speaking countries. I am already starting to spiff up my Spanish speaking skills (it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been in any sort of Spanish class), and have downloaded a host of Spanish worship songs just for fun!! I think it is so powerful to go the extra mile in learning a person’s heart language in order to fully share the gospel. What a great picture of how Jesus meets us right where we are?? **Shout out to Amy Sue & Alfredo Pinto who ignited this dream in me!! You are both inspirational! Love you guys!!!**
- What has been the best day on your race and why?
I don’t think I can narrow it down to just one, so here’s two that I’ve really loved; one ministry day and one adventure day. In Nepal we got to put on a Beauty for Ashes retreat (see recap video here), and those couple days are some of my most cherished. We got to create relationships with women and walk alongside them as the Lord redeemed some of the most broken times in their lives. Time and time again I was astounded at the way that these ladies knew the Lord. They spoke about Him as a dear friend, the master gardener, a Father, a guardian, and so much more. It felt like community is always supposed to feel: warm, inviting, raw, honest, vulnerable, and empowering. It just felt right.
A close second goes to my first ministry day in Thailand. I already wrote a blog about that one, so if you missed it, here’s the link.
My favorite adventure day is also from Nepal. One of our weekends, a group of us decided to hike one of the trails close to Kathmandu. It was considered a mini-trek because we would only be spending one night at a tea house at the summit of the mountain. On the way up we had so much fun and fellowship. Jumping into waterfalls, telling jokes and riddles, breathing much too hard as we climbed literally THOUSANDS of stairs. That night we played mafia around a campfire and stared in awe at the starry night sky. Much like my favorite ministry day, I think that the community that I experienced that night sets it apart from many of my other days. To top it all off, I saw, hands down, the most amazing sunrise of my life the next morning. The sun rose perfectly over a portion of the Himalayan mountain range, and my friends and I just got to soak in all the glory.
A close second also comes from Thailand. Our host unexpectedly gave us 4 days off in the middle of the week so, naturally, i61 planned a beach vacation. Everything about those days was fun. After living in a places where so few people spoke English, it was a breath of fresh air to be in a Westerner tourist destination. Because of the common language, we got to share Jesus with so many people!! I’d love to talk more about it, so ask me in person sometime J
- What has been the worst day on your race and why?
Oh man this is also a tough one. I’ve had different days be hard for different reasons, so here’s a couple that come to mind:
In Nepal I got really sick a couple times. The first week there, I got an upper respiratory infection from close-quarter living conditions and breathing in a crazy amount of dust while walking around Kathmandu. That sickness landed me in the hospital for a couple days. About a week after that I got, either, the stomach flu, or horrible food poisoning from the local ‘cheap place’. If you’ve ever gotten the stomach flu, you know how horrible it is; if you haven’t…count your blessings while they last. On top of that, there are always water shortages in Kathmandu, and it costs a lot of money to re-fill the underground water tanks, so our squad was asked to only flush the toilets once a day. Needless to say, with multiple people throwing up on each floor of our house, it was germ city, and, honestly, horrible conditions for being sick. That day was hard because everything about it was uncomfortable. I didn’t have a real bed to lay in. Gingerale is nonexistent, and Nepali people haven’t ever heard of saltine crackers. My mom wasn’t there to scratch my back or tie my hair back with a ponytail. **Shout out to Lindsay…you were the best second mom anyone could ask for that day**
The second day that comes to mind is December 26th, 2017. It was still Christmas day back in the States, and I facetimed my family while they were eating Christmas dinner and opening gifts. My sister’s boyfriend had gotten my dad and my uncle HILARIOUS onesies, and everyone was laughing uncontrollably. Meanwhile I was trying so hard not to cry. Even now I am tearing up writing this because I just love my family SO MUCH. They are, without a doubt, the biggest blessings in my life. So in that moment, I just missed them a whole lot. I wanted to be in that living room with them more than anything in the world. But instead I was sitting in the lobby of a hotel in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I knew that missing the Christmas holiday would be hard. It will just make the next one even more special.
- What was the best thing about losing your phone?
To catch those of you up that didn’t know, I somehow lost my phone on the way back to ministry from the beach in Thailand. I either threw it in a trash can (oops) or it got swiped out of my backpack as I was getting on a bus. Either way, it left me without a phone for a couple months.
I think the best part about it was that, in a way, it forced me to fill my time with things that I otherwise wouldn’t have. For example, on travel days, while everyone else was watching TV shows or movies on their phones, I was forced (and I mean this in the best sense of the word) to read the Bible or a book. Where I would have normally sought comfort in the familiarity of a phone, I had to be okay with being uncomfortable.
Technology is a good thing that can easily be distorted into a bad thing depending on how it’s used. In many ways, I no longer feel a strong desire to have my phone at all times. I’ve seen that it’s okay not to be ‘connected’ every second of every day.
If I’m honest, I could have stewarded this season of life better. Because of my laptop, I still had as much access to comforts without my phone as I did when I had my phone. When I had WiFi, I could still get on Facebook and Instagram, I could still text my friends and family back home, I could still watch Netflix or the many movies I have stored on my hard drive.
But I got a second chance because the whole month of Ethiopia we had no access to the internet. It was SO NICE to disconnect. This life free from distractions invited me to be more present in ministry, with my team, and with the Lord. It’s amazing how much the Lord speaks when we finally get to a quiet place.
- How can I be praying for you?
Two words: self-reliance. I think what I’ve realized lately is that I am much too confident in my own ability to ‘get through’ life. Being half-way through the Race has only made this problem more evident. In so many ways I fail to lean on God as my ever-present source of comfort, energy, strength, and refuge. When I get tired I assume that I need a nap instead of asking the Lord to be my source of rest. When I’m bored I reach for my phone or my computer to occupy the empty moments.
It’s kind of ironic that this is in the forefront of my mind now, because my biggest goal for the World Race in general was to leave with a greater understanding of what it means to live my life fully dependent on the Lord. If I’m honest I think that I have just started to reach the end of my preverbal rope. We’ve passed the half-way mark, and a lot of the glamor of the Race has worn off. All that being said, I know that God has so much more for me in these next 5 months. So my biggest prayer is that I would stop relying on myself, others, movies, social media, etc. and begin fully relying on the Lord. I am convinced that He offers more comfort, rest, peace, joy, and abundance than all other things combined.
