Hi, hello!!!
“I need to write a final blog” – words I’ve spoken often since being home from the race. I never really knew how to put a cap on this journey. So, sorry for the extreme delay, but better late then never…?
“What is it like being home?” – a question I get asked all the time… Also a question I have a very hard time answering. I am happy to be home, truly. But it is weird. It is different. I catch myself slipping back into old molds and old habits. On the outside, it’s easy and comfortable here, but on the inside my mind is constantly running wild, and my heart doesn’t know what to feel. I’m scattered and messy. Slowly finding balance and routine. Dependence and trust is being redefined to me once again.
The Lord has wrecked me since being home. Often. The race was amazingly hard, but these past three months of being home have been a mix of healing, heartache, confusion and joy.
My mind drifts to the future a lot. I catch myself wondering and dreaming about what’s to come so much that its’ hard for me to be present where my feet are. Walking through surrender.
The race opened my eyes a whole lot to so much more than just other cultures and peoples of other nations.
The Lord put a whole lot of depth behind words I have mindlessly heard my whole life. Joy. Worship. Communion. Community. Surrender. Beauty. Worth. Friendship. The list goes on forever.
I learned what a real relationship with the Father is.
I learned just how selfish and prideful we all are by human nature.
I learned what life truly is and how we are called to live it.
I feel like I have looked at life with tunnel vision for so long, and now my mind sees it all so wildly different. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to simple thinking because my thoughts are so messy and confused, but I am thankful to be where I’m at and for the ways the Father has grown me.
I have had many people ask me what my plans are following the race, and I can’t really give a straight answer because I’m so unsure. But for now, I am home, in good ole Gwinnett, doing online school and working at a coffee shop.
I’m indecisive. I have a lot of dreams, plans, passions and ideas, but I’m completely clueless of how they will all come together one day. Right now, all I know is that I’m where I need to be in this season, and that the Lord will guide my wandering heart in His timing.
I keep reminding myself of the lyrics that we sang so often on the race. “I give it all to you, God, trusting that you will make something beautiful out of me,” and how we changed them to say, “trusting that you have made something beautiful out of me.” Meditating on that. He has made, is making, and will forever continue to make something beautiful out of this life we get to live!
So this is it!!
Thank you to the people who have listened to me make no sense and change my mind a million times. Thank you to the people who have reminded me who I am and my simple identity in the Lord’s eyes when I get lost and confused. Thank y’all for the grace you have given me. And THANK YOU ALL for the love and support throughout this whole journey. I couldn’t have done it without you guys. Truly!
So much love, always.
Amanda 🙂
