3 and a half months into the race. Currently sitting in a warehouse-style room against a white wall across from the kitchen where we ate some potato curry and rice. I daydream a lot. I often catch my mind drifting to images of me sittin’ and sippin’ some coffee at my favorite coffee shop back home, or images of my best friends and I driving around aimlessly listening to music. I often hear the words “I remember when, I miss this, I wish I had this, after the race I’ll do this, next month maybe we will be…” The race is hands-down marvelous in ways I could have only dreamed of, and I love my life here, but it’s so incredibly easy to romanticize life back home.
We live in a culture that preaches discontentment. We have all these ideas in front of us screaming, “This would be better for you,” “ This would make you happier”. Constant billboards and commercials telling us that the very things we have right now are not enough. We are constantly seeking contentment, but we will never be content if we are always looking at what’s ahead instead of where we are. Sometimes it seems as if everything is about preparing for the future. We daydream about life weeks, months and even years from now so often, and we end up sleepwalking through the life we are actually living. I want to live my life fully awake to the little mundane moments.
I want take notice of where my feet are, and I want to “choose in” to every single moment. I can choose to look where my feet are and realize that I am sitting in a warehouse room with white walls or I can realize that I’m sitting in a building with a roof over my head, fans blowing mildly cool air in my face, surrounded by people who I love dearly and who love me. I can look at the potato curry rice I just ate and think about the fact that I have had it everyday for the past month, or the fact that there are kids right outside our gate who are in pain because of the emptiness in their stomachs. I can wake up every morning in my tent on our roof, and realize that I woke up on deflated sleeping pad, dripping in sweat, or choose to realize that I simply woke up!!!
We watched a movie a while ago called “About Time.” In the movie this guy has the ability to travel back in time. He can go back and change any moment, conversation, or any little mess up. By the end of the movie he says “The truth is, I now don’t travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live everyday as if I’ll deliberately come back to this one day to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.” I want to live a life like that. Not one where I can travel back in time and change events of the past, but one where I can say, that if I had the ability to go back and change any moment or conversation, I wouldn’t want to.
Yes, its hard sometimes to be completely present when our minds are always wandering to the next event, meal, or step in life, but I want to be intentional in the very space my feet are standing. Fully awake and fully alert. I have to “choose in” to the little moments and recognize joy in them. I have to seize every opportunity with this wild, beautiful community and make the most of every day. Training my mind to wake up every morning and tell myself that this very day could be the best day of my entire life!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading! I really appreciate you.
Much Love always,
Amanda <3
