So I have now been in Ecuador for almost three weeks. Many are ready to hear about miracles happening, and all the amazing craziness that happens when you submit yourself to the Holy Spirit. And there are so many stories! Some of the teams have experienced the Lord healing people, some have experienced intense spiritual warfare, and others have experienced healing in their own personal lives. The Lord has most definitely moved among us, and this country is experiencing the presence of the God, and the move of the Holy Spirit.
These three weeks for me personally have been challenging to say the least. Before I went to training camp, I thought I knew who I was and where my identity stood, but the Lord has been shaking me up, and literally burning away my old self and flesh, so that I can walk in His fullness. Our ministry was really tough at first: full of monotonous work, then traveling and doing earthquake relief, and then coming back and doing random tasks like painting chairs. At the same time I was going through a series of stomach issues, and concluded it was a parasite. One day I literally laid in the attic of our ministry and the Lord showed me once again what it looks like to lose complete control- of my body, of my desires, and of my ability to take care of everything and everyone including myself. A midst all of that, we have had periodic team leader meetings in which I always left overwhelmed and depressed, because I would hear the hearts of these amazing people, and would just feel like I was so out of touch, and not even creating space for the Spirit to move. Above all of that, I had to walk through some unforgiveness, and then deal with some sin in my life, which has been extremely difficult.
Fast forward a bit, my entire team decided to go to Mindo to an incredible waterfall on their off day, and the night before I had a really life-giving conversation with someone who pretty much just told me, “God has made you the way you are, because He wanted you this way… Now walk in who you are, and just ask the Lord what His will is. Ask Him what He has given you so that you can really know him and be fruitful, and so that ministry can be life-giving and your love genuine not only to strangers but the people actually around you.” So while my team went exploring on our off day, I sat with the Lord ALL DAY. I read, journaled, did listening prayer, painted, went for a walk, and sat again, and again. One of my really good friends shared a vision she got for me. She said, “I see you running, really running, around and around this box. The box is outlined with a white line, and it’s in the middle of a field.” Immediately I just assumed it was about the sin I had been struggling with and couldn’t get away from. However, the Lord revealed that day that the more I open myself up to Him, and create space for Him, the box slowly diminishes… I can start running in larger boxes, and then finally the box disappears, because “this box” is the box I have put the Lord in, and He wants me to run in FREEDOM and in His FULLNESS. He wants to break open this box I have put him in. The Lord has shown me today that I don’t have to impress anyone, or have everyone like me, but that I am a ROCK. I am Strong. I am not blown to and fro by the wind and the waves. I carry Truth. I am an Ear for others. I am dying everyday to my flesh, and being transformed more into the Son. And when I SURRENDER, then can I give out of OVERFLOW and then can I see the move of God. I don’t have to ask for signs and wonders, or force things to happen, but can literally just set my eyes on Jesus, and be AVAILABLE, and then the Lord will do what only he can do.
When I went for a walk, this dog randomly was following me, and would not leave my side. The Lord whispered to me that this was Him. He won’t ever leave me, but I have to keep walking. Jesus had intended to pass the disciples by on the water, because whether we are aware or not, He is moving, and wants to know is there anyone that is going where He is going? Or are we going to get overcome by the waves? Are we going to become apathetic and complacent? Are we going to let sin rule us? Are we going to walk in unforgiveness? Are we going to let the generational sins hold us back? Are we going to ignore the elephants in the room? Are we going to let bitterness take root? OR are we going to fix our eyes on the Lord Jesus, and Surrender all of our desires and who we are so that we can become the men and women that He already sees us as. When we surrender, then can we experience freedom and hope again. Then can we begin to grow, and actually hear the voice of God, and become aware of the Holy Spirit. Then can we see the Lord move, and see the Gospel reaching the nations, and seeing people walking in freedom through encountering Jesus. It is only the beginning, and my beautiful Father is tearing away the things in me that are holding me back, because He loves me, and has set me apart, and wants me to walk in His Fullness. I have only been on the race for about 3 weeks, and without the prayers of you, and the support of everyone back home, I could not be having these break throughs with the Lord or be able to witness others having breakthroughs and the Gospel being proclaimed in this place! We are having debrief in a couple of days to rest, and to reflect on all the Lord has done this month, and I can’t wait to continue to share what the Lord has done in our ministry this last month, and what the Lord has done in me and my squad!
