I had a breakdown a few weeks ago. I was sitting on my couch watching another episode of Fixer Upper and when the credits started to roll I lost it. Like, completely lost it…boo-hoo-tears-streaming-all-down-my-face kind of crying.
I have been back in the States for roughly 2 1/2 months now, and although some days seem to be a breeze….others are not. The culture shock is still real. My stomach still has a hard time with greasy, American food. And the flashbacks of kids faces and special moments on the Race still appear in my mind.
“We lived great stories this year.” Something I would often think to myself and say aloud at times. We preached the Gospel to strangers, we loved on orphans, we gave aid to the sick, we prayed for the broken, we loved well & loved much. We lived a great story of Life.
And now…I’m back.
Back in America where I can have virtually anything my heart could desire in a single trip to Target. Back to wanting to spend time mindlessly scrolling on my phone rather than spending time in the Word. Back to selfish ways of thinking, “How does ______ affect me?” Rather than, “How does _____ affect others?” Back to wondering what I truly place my value in…the materialism of this world or the wealth and riches found in Christ?
America has been a whirlwind.
But there I was, crying my eyes out on the couch. And the Holy Spirit reminded me of one of my favorite passages that was an anthem on my Race: Isaiah 61.
And I asked the Lord: What does it look like?
To bring good news to the poor…
To bind up the broken-hearted…
To proclaim liberty to the captives…
The opening of the prison to those who are bound…
What does it look like?
To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor…
To comfort all who mourn…
To give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes…
Gladness instead of mourning…
A garment of praise instead of a faint spirit…
Jesus, what does it look like in America?
I sat on the couch crying and asking the Lord, “What does this look like in America, God? Please, what does this even look like?”
And I’m still not 100% sure.
But what I do know is that God has me (and you) placed right where you are for this very season of life (Acts 17:26), that I have the fullness is Christ dwelling within me (Romans 8:11), and that Jesus wants me to love my neighbor as I love myself (Galatians 5:14). And loving my neighbor may look a lot like Isaiah 61.
So, Jesus, what does it look like?
Let’s go love more people together.
