This past month, Holy Spirit has been speaking to me through my dreams. There was one point during the month that Holy Spirit sent me a dream every night for about a week and a half. These dreams were the most vivid dreams I’ve ever had. They came in sequential order as if I was experiencing them as they would happen in my life.
Holy Spirit sent me dreams of me as a bride.
The first dream was of my engagement. And then came dreams of me picking out a dress. Asking my girlfriends to be in my bridal party. Planning things with my mom. Picking out flowers. The last dream I received was of me leaving my wedding reception, surrounded by everyone I loved, and hopping in a car.
These dreams were so real. Every time I woke up from them, I felt like I had just experienced them. There was so much joy and excitement in my heart.
But I was also so confused.
I asked God why He was sending me these dreams. I got no clear answer. But the bride theme didn’t stop with the dreams.
Any time I would hit the shuffle button on my Spotify, a song about brides, bridegrooms, weddings, etc. would come on.
The book I started reading at the beginning of last month also took an unexpected turn and began to speak to my heart as the bride of Christ.
I finally just said, “Okay Lord, you can’t get any more obvious. I know you’re speaking to me, but I need you to speak again. Tell me what it is you want to reveal to me.” And I spent time with Him that day just listening.
The lord told me to read a passage in Luke. The one about the Lord’s supper, when Jesus shares the Passover meal with His disciples. He takes a cup and fills it with wine and he says “This cup that is poured out is the new covenant, in my blood, which I give to you.” (not a direct quote, but you get it.)
After I read this I read a little bit of my book. And this is where my mind was blown.
The place I was at in my book began talking about Jewish marriage traditions. When a Jewish man proposes to a woman, they are sitting a a table with her family. Her father would hand the man a cup of wine, and he would extend this cup of wine to the woman and say, “This cup is a new covenant in my blood, which I give to you.”
What.
I had never thought of the Lord’s supper as a proposal before. Here I was, sitting at the lords feet, reading these words and having my mouth drop open in astonishment. Every time we participate in the lords supper, we are saying yes to His marriage proposal.
This is is no small thing. This is the thing.
And I sat at the feet of Jesus and I just cried. Because he was after me. He was running after my heart. His pursuit was so obvious. He had made it so clear to me. And I had never felt more unworthy in my life.
How could Jesus, the Son of God, the only perfect man, be proposing to me?
Me. The wicked harlot. The woman at the well. The woman who carries shame around like a sweater. The woman who‘s heart is all tangled up. Who’s emotional and unstable at times. Me? Why me, Jesus?
I closed my eyes and I could see him. I could see Jesus down on one knee. Looking at me as I was clothed in rags and holding all my sin and shame in my hands. Looking at me as if I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Asking me to be his bride. Asking me to take His cup. Asking me for mine.
And I said yes.
That day as I sat a Jesus’ feet, I promised Him these things.
“I say yes to taking the cup of your heart. I say yes to accepting your life for mine. I say yes to offering you mine. I say yes to letting you love me to death- death on a cross. I say yes to becoming one with you- holding all things together for better or worse. I say yes to boasting in you- Jesus as my bridegroom and confidently displaying my sins in the face of death and hell and saying, “if I have sinned, yet my Jesus, in whom I believe, has not sinned, and all his is mine and all mine is his.” I say yes to the wooing that washes my wounds. I say yes to letting my brokenness be healed by union with you. I say yes to giving myself to you, the wounded healer, the broken and given lover. I say yes to your proposal- all that I have for all of you.”
As I sit here writing this blog, I’m reminded once again of the Lord’s love for me. Every time I participate in koinonia, communion, I say these things to Him. And He never regrets asking. He never changes His mind. He accepts me for me. He exchanges my rags for his clean white robe. He takes my shame and replaces it with confidence and security in Him. He places a crown on my head and a ring on my finger and claims me. Calls me His. And is never ashamed of his bride.
Koinonia is the prize. Communion with the most high God is the thing that I live for. Taking his Cup and breaking His body. It’s no small thing. It’s the thing.
It’s the thing that keeps me alive. The thing that gives me security. It’s where I find my hope. It’s where I find connection with my bridegroom.
I’m more satisfied in Him than I ever have been. I am praising God for this special season of my life. For His relentless pursuit of my heart. And for the endless proposal that is koinonia.
