Sometimes, when I sit down to spend time with the Lord, I’m more caught up in what I should be reading, learning, etc. These are important things, but they shouldn’t take precedent over spending time with him. So in those moments, he usually calls me out and asks me to put aside the things that I think I should do for him- to let go of the idea of being productive and the things I think I should be doing FOR him or learning ABOUT him. It’s in these moments that he reminds me to be STILL and to learn FROM him. Sometimes he asks me to literally just sit and listen, other times he directs me to prayer, and sometimes he tells me to just start writing (often times what he is speaking to me or what I need to pray comes out better when I stop thinking about it and just write). Below is an excerpt from my journal from one of these moments this week. He told me to put away my things and to just start writing, even if I didn’t know what about yet. It ended up being a much needed time to process some of my thoughts from that week and was a sweet time that I was able to just reflect on his love and all that he’s taught me about that this year.
Papa,
The way you love is unimaginable. Unthinkable. Defying of all comprehension. It doesn’t make sense. Your love is extravagant. Deep. It is never ending. Grace-filled. Your love is sacrificial. Without conditions. Patient. Kind. Given away fully. Your love is one that sees beyond the surface. Secure. One that doesn’t shy away and is willing to challenge. A love that constantly pursues. Full of second chances (and third and fourth…).It won’t turn and run. Your love is not distracted. It’s faithful. It’s constant and never changing.
My love is distracted. It is selfish at times. It’s judging. Doubtful. Hesitant. My love is full of conditions. Insecure. Contained in a box. Shallow. My love can be impatient. Given in pieces. Inconsistent. Misguided.
But somehow…because of YOUR love, you take MY love and you use it. You keep on loving me. You take hearts like mine and you use them. With YOUR love, my love becomes more like yours. It allows me to truly see and love others in ways that I can’t if I only rely on MY love. You teach me to love deeper and on the days that I forget or want to turn and run, you push me forward. You take these flaws and this heart and you shine through it in ways that only you can.
Your love just doesn’t make sense in any shape or form. Only heaven knows and understands the depths of it. Your love is one that saves and is irresistible. It redeems and offers freedom. It changes hearts and lives.
Thank you for loving me with your love, which is much more than I deserve. Thank you for teaching me how deep your love is and for constantly reminding me of that when I forget, which happens more than I’d like to admit. Thank you for using this heart to teach others how deep your love is for them. Thanks for teaching and allowing me to continually learn what it really means to be loved and to love well and for allowing me to be a way for others to see you.
Papa, I pray that you continue to reveal more about your love. I pray that you continue to mold this heart to love more like you. To have a heart that pursues you and your heart more in the ways that you pursue mine. To be more focused on the things that matter and to not lose the awe of you and your love. To love those around me well. Continue to help me to love with open arms and an open heart. To have a heart and story that points to you and tells of YOUR love, not MINE.
