During our squad’s leadership development weekend, I was asked to teach on loving others well. The Lord taught me a lot in preparing for this talk and I was encouraged by a teammate to share it here, so here is what the Lord laid on my heart to share with my squad- I pray that it challenges and encourages you to look at loving others in a different way, too.
In 1 Corinthians 13:1-4, it says “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
Love is the center of the gospel and the center of what we are called to do.
In praying about how to narrow down this topic, the Lord brought to mind 4 main themes:
1. To Love Others Well, You Must Know the Lord’s Love For you
- “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Matthew 22:37-39
- In your time with the Lord, he will fill you up. He will empower you to love others more than you think possible and he will give you the words and steps to take.
- He will speak into your life. You must know your value and worth and where that comes from before you can truly tell others theirs.
- The love we’re called to give can only come from an overflow of the love we experience from the father.
- You will love others best by loving God well.
2.To Love Others Well, You Must Take Care of Yourself
- Don’t be a hero- when you are not taking care of yourself (physically, emotionally, spiritually) that is going to show in your interactions with others. You may say no one will notice and that you can keep pushing through, but others can see that they aren’t getting your best self or your full attention.’
- Know your limits. Give yourself the rest, fun, time with the Lord, etc. that you need.
3. Loving Others- Day to Day
- Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything. Be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless – cheerfully.Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God’s words; if help, let it be God’s hearty help. That way, God’s bright presence will be evident in everything through Jesus, and he’ll get all the credit as the One mighty in everything – encores to the end of time.- 1 Peter 4:8-11 MSG
- God calls us to love in the ordinary moments and in doing so, it declares his glory.
- Some of the obvious ways we think to love others and can do daily are:
- Calling people higher and magnify their strengths.
- Treats/Notes
- Advice/Prayer
- Knowing Names/Small details about their life
- Listening
- Listen to understand, not just to respond. Listen to what they don’t say and their body language as well.
- 1 Corinthians 16:14- Let all that you do be done in love
- Loving others can be doing the work or job you are assigned to the best of your ability with love. It may not seem to effect a specific person, but loving others means living your life out of love. Remember that the little things matter.
4. Loving Others When It’s Difficult/Perspective Shifts
- In reality loving others can be very difficult. It’s easy to love those who appreciate it or show it back. It’s not so easy to love those that don’t seem to appreciate it, who make the same mistakes over and over, or those who seem to drain us. It’s easy to love on days that we are feeling great, but not so easy on days that we just want a minute to ourselves or to have an “off” day. But we are called to love, even when it is difficult. Love is a choice-a sacrifice. You don’t always have to like someone or their decisions, but you can choose how you react- in love, or not.
- Colossians 3:12-14- Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And Over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
- We must make the choice to put on these virtues. And remember that we have received these things from Christ, so we must freely give them.
- It’s actually in these tough relationships or moments that we can learn the most and form the best relationships. The truest forms of love actually are only seen when love overcomes rough waters.
- “We don’t learn to love each other well in the easy moments. Anyone is good company at a cocktail party. But love is born when we misunderstand each other and make it right. When we cry in the kitchen, when we show up uninvited in an effort to say, I love you.” –Shauna Niequest
- Loving others can look differently. Some less obvious ways that we can love others are:
- Sharing a hard word. If you love someone, you want them to grow. Challenging and encouraging them out of love in these areas is calling them to be the person you know they are.
- Reaching out and apologizing when you’re wrong, and sometimes even when you’re not.
- Sharing a gift that you have, but don’t walk in or are uncomfortable with just because they need what you have to offer.
- Giving up part of your day off to help them with a task/talk.
- Being vulnerable and letting others into your story and your struggles-giving them the opportunity to love you well.
- It can mean walking through trials or bad decisions without judgment or even giving much feedback. It’s being there for people and letting them know they are loved regardless of if they ever “figure it out”, are saved, or change. Letting them know your presence and love is there regardless.
- Because we are human, even showing love to others can become a selfish thing. We sometimes tend to show love so that it will be shown back, to gain attention or approval, or to make ourselves feel better. Some questions to ask to help avoid this and to take a step back and look at loving others with a new perspective are:
- How do they actually need loved?
- We tend to think that the way we feel loved or the way we want to show love is how someone should receive it. Sometimes we need to show love through doing something we actually don’t prefer.
- I read a blog the other day when researching things for this talk and was challenged by a perspective shift that the blogger had. She has started asking herself the following question when deciding how to best show someone love:
- What is in their best interest?
- What is best for them, even if it means sacrifice for me?
- Paul endured beatings because it was in the best interest for the Gentiles to hear the Gospel.
- Jesus died on the cross because it was in our best interest to be rescued and receive freedom.
- Now I’m not saying that your sacrifices will be that extreme, but I’d challenge you to consider that question and see how it changes the way you love others:
- It may lead to not going out and doing something because you know it’s in someone’s best interest to rest.
- It may mean saying something that is hard or uncomfortable because it’s in that person’s best interest to grow. Or to not say something, because it’s in that person’s best interest to wait.
- What is in their best interest?
- How do they actually need loved?
Loving others is a topic that can be explored in a multitude of different ways. It’s something that I think as believers we can continue to grow in daily. There will be days that we fall short, but there’s grace in that and the good news is that there are going to be plenty of opportunities daily placed in our path for us to practice loving others well.
As Bob Goff says, “Love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or planning for it. Simply put: Love Does.”
So I challenge you to pray and think about areas that you love others well in and areas that you can grow in loving others well. Put those things into action. Allow the Lord to empower you to love others even deeper and to continually expand your perspective on what that means and what that looks like. Share your stories with me about who/what the Lord places in your path today, this week, this month…etc. When you have the willing heart and give the Lord room to move in this area, he will. Be willing to be challenged.
